Full of Surprises
by DoomedRomance
Summary: Set after Rain of Fire Angel has some decisions to make. My first attempt at fanfic. Please be kind.


FULL OF SUPRISES  
  
Angel awakened slowly and filled with pain. The memories of the previous night came flooding back. He could still see them together. He tried to tell himself it was just a dream. She couldn't, wouldn't do this to him. He kept telling himself this for about 10 minutes before reality set in. Cordelia and Connor had sex. He stood on top of the building next door and saw them. Then, the anger came back. Who did they think they were? He was the good guy. He saved the world time and time again. What right did they have to hurt him this way? From Connor it was expected, but from Cordy? After the anger, came the sorrow. What would he do now? He was alone again. Was he destined never to find a person to share the years with?  
Fred knocked on the door and came in.  
"Angel are you O.K.? I thought I heard pain sounds from up here."  
"I'm fine Fred. I'll be down in a few minutes."  
Fred closes the door, unconvinced, and returns downstairs to Gunn.  
"Gunn, I'm worried about Angel. Something's not right with him."  
"Fred, what do you expect. He got his butt kicked last night. That demon did some damage to all of us. I don't know how he figured out how to kill it, but I'm glad he did.  
  
Cordelia awakened slowly, something she never expected to do again. She looked around to see Connor, still asleep lying next to her. Then it all came flooding back. "Oh my God, what have I done?" She jumped out of bed and started to dress. Connor looked at her, at the horror on her face and knew she was regretting last night. He arose and started to dress, never saying a word. Cordy couldn't even look at him. Finally, unable to stand the silence, Connor looked at Cordy and said, "So what are you going to do now?" Cordy stopped in the middle of buttoning her blouse. The thought had not occurred to her. What was she going to do now? She couldn't stay here. She could go back to the hotel. What if Angel wouldn't let her come back? But Angel couldn't know about last night. He was busy fighting the Beast. He must have defeated the Beast, because the world didn't end. But how could she go back? Even if he didn't know, she did, and Angel could smell fear or guilt.  
She sat back down on the bed. She had really messed up this time. What was she going to do?  
  
Buffy awoke to sunlight streaming into her room. She sighed and rolled over, not wanting to get up. Then she remembered Spike and rushed down the hall to his room. He was still there chained to the bed and curled in a little ball. He was whimpering in his sleep. Buffy just stood there and watched as the nightmare over took him and he vamped out. The pain and suffering he had caused was coming back in his dreams. His newly acquired soul bringing back all the pain and suffering he had caused others. In his waking hours, Spike seemed to deal well with the guilt. But in his dreams, he was reliving his horrible, bloody past.  
Buffy went downstairs to fix breakfast and remembered Dawn was staying with Willow. She had trouble dealing with the agony Spike was going through. Xander on the other hand felt the suffering was not enough and enjoyed watching Spike when Buffy had to go out. Xander had never forgiven Spike for the attack in the bathroom. If Spike had been successful, Xander knew no power on earth would stop him from killing Spike.   
  
Spike walked into house, looking for Buffy. He heard her upstairs. As he accended the stairs, all he could think about was he had to prove to her how much he loved her. He couldn't stand the thought of never holding her again.  
He walked into the bathroom and everything became a blur. He could hear her saying it was over. The demon inside of him just went mad and could not accept that. He was on top of her and she was fighting. He knew it was wrong but he couldn't stop. He had to have her!  
She kicked him against the sink and the reality of he had tried to do hit him. He had hurt the one person he loved most. Buffy looked at him and he saw the disgust in her eyes.  
  
Spike sat up in the bed, still shaken by the nightmare. But, it wasn't a nightmare, it was the past coming back to haunt him. He took time to compose himself and wondered why she hadn't staked him after that. It was that one event that sent him on his journey. The journey that ended with the return of his soul.  
  
Buffy walked into the room with a cup of pig's blood. She could see whatever nightmare he had this time had really upset him. She wished she could help, that she could help the pain. But the mystic Willow had consulted had told them it was something Spike would have to work through on his own. He would always have the guilt, but in time he would be able to deal with it, if he didn't go mad and commit suicide. That was what Buffy was trying to avoid. She unlocked the chains they tied to him at night, only to make sure he didn't something stupid, like go wait for sunrise, after making sure Spike was calm. He rarely talked about the nightmares that plagued him. Only saying it was his punishment for his evil.   
  
Angel walked downstairs and tried to pretend his was fine. He should be happy this morning. They had stopped another apocalypse. The world was safe again, at least for a while. No one else knew what Angel had seen on the roof top and he didn't know how to tell them, or even if he should. He had to admit some good had come from what he had seen. If it hadn't happened, he wasn't sure he could have stopped the creature.  
  
Fred and Gunn were sitting on the couch, talking to Lorne and wondering how Angel had managed to stop the beast after the beating he took. Lorne was a knowing demon and he had his own ideas and was getting vibes he didn't like.  
When Angel walked up he was bombarded with questions from the three. So, he sat down and prepared to tell them what they wanted to know.   
  
He stood staring into Connor's loft, unable to look away, but horrified at what he saw. His first instinct was to burst in and kill them both. That was what Angelus would have done. That part of him was still there, and at this moment he had to fight to keep him contained. The sky was raining fire and Angel knew more important things were going on. It still did not stop the hurt, the anger, and the feelings of betrayal. He turned to leave and Whistler was standing beside him. The demon had been the one to lead him Buffy, to rescue him from the wreck he had become.  
"What are you doing here?" asked Angel.  
"I'm here to guide you." replied Whistler.  
"Guide me to what?" Angel asked.  
"Your dark side" Whistler replied. "Come with me now. We must stop the beast before he consumes the world."  
Whistler led Angel through the streets, with people in a panic and fire everywhere. There were groups of people praying to their God. Praying he would deliver them from this evil.  
"They have no idea their salvation will be from the most evil vampire that walked the earth." Whistler said as they walked past one prayer group.  
At that comment Angel stopped dead in his tracks. He knew Whistler was talking about Angelus.  
"Whistler, I can't become Angelus. I cannot become the monster I was before."  
Whistler looked at him for a moment and said, "Why not? The girl you love is with someone else. Do you want to stay for her? What about all the other people counting on you? What about Fred, Gunn, and Lorne. Only Angelus can defeat the Beast."  
Angel considered for a moment all those who meant the world to him. He looked at Whistler and said, "What do I have to do?" The demon was already trying to get out so why not let him and save the world. Still, he had so many questions.  
"All your questions will be answered when we arrive. This is part of your destiny."  
Angel considered everything Whistler had said. He thought about Connor and Cordy. Well, at least his kid had taste. He could do alot worse than Cordy. He thought about Buffy, the woman he had loved more than he had loved himself. He suddenly realized Buffy didn't know about Connor. He just couldn't bring himself to tell her. She knew about all the evil inside him and all the things he had done and still she had loved him. He couldn't bear to see the look of digust on her face or the disappointment in her voice when she learned he had been with Darla. Of course, they didn't owe anything to each other, but that wasn't the point.  
Finally, they arrived at an old run down factory. It was fenced off with "Caution Condemned" signs all around the fence. He and Whistler slid easily through a hole in the fence and what faced him when he walked through the door astonished him.  
The inside of the room seemed to glow. Candle light bounced off the golden walls. There was a magical symbol in the middle of the floor. Angel recognized this as the Propus, the symbol of The Powers that Be. Twelve robed beings sat in two row along two sides of the symbol. All that could be seen of the beings were the robes that covered their head and bodies.  
Whistler approached the head being and said, "The body of our savior has arrived."  
The Head Being looked at Angel and said, "I feel power radiating from him, but not enough to defeat the beast. The inner demon must be released in order to defeat him."  
Angel stood before them full of questions. He pulled Whistler closer to him and asked him what he should do. Whistler told him to walk into the circle, bow before The Powers that Be, and proclaim his intent to do what is necessary to stop the Beast.  
Angel did as Whistler said and the head being asked, "Are you willing to give up your life as you know it to defeat this beast?"  
Without hesitating Angel said he was.  
From the shadows two Lenkor demons emerged, grabbed him and put him into chains attached to the Middle of the Propus. Angel did not fight. He knew when Angelus emerged he must be restrained. He sat in silence as The Powers that Be prepared the ritual. He knew he was going to die, but he also knew all those he loved would live.  
The ritual began with the Head Being standing before him chanting in a tongue unknown to Angel. The being then approached Angel and pulled out a dagger which he used to cut Angel across the stomach. His blood dripped onto the Propus. The pain spread throughout his body. As the blood dripped, light began to rise from the floor. He could feel himself burn as the light hit him. He could feel his soul leaving his body. Then, it was complete. He stood there, the demon inside of him free.  
"Well, what do we have here? The Powers that Be trying to save the world. The soul that just left my body may have been willing to help you, but I'm not." said Angelus as he looked toward the Head Being.  
The Head Being seemed unfazed by this declaration and preceded to the second part of the ritual.  
The second part of the ritual consisted of a powerful warlock casting a spell on Angelus, putting him under the control of The Powers that Be. He had the power of Angelus, but the evil was partially contained.  
The Powers that Be knew this was a risk. If the containment spell failed, a terror almost as bad as the Beast would once again be set free on the world.  
At that moment, the Beast burst into the room, having sensed a power trying to destroy him. The Powers that Be immediately transported themselves to another plane and left Angelus alone to complete his destiny.  
Angelus stood before the Beast, his restraints gone. He knew his mission. He lunged toward the Beast. A terrible battle followed. Angelus used all the power he possessed to fight the Beast. They traded blows and seemed almost evenly matched. Slowly, the Beast seemed to gain the upper hand.  
The battle raged for two hours. Both were bloody and bruised. Finally the Beast had Angelus pinned and was about to deliver a fatal blow, when Angelus fills a renewed strength as he looks up the see The Powers that Be surround him and the Beast. He fights the Beast off knocking its sword from its hand. Somehow he knew this sword would kill the monster. He grabs the sword, lunges at the Beast, and the sword goes into the eye of the Beast. The Beast screams, falls back and curses at Angel as he slowly starts to glow and then bursts into flames. Angelus stood for a moment then realized the containment spell of The Powers that Be had been lifted.  
While The Powers that Be attention was directed toward the flaming beast, Angelus started toward the door. He was met by two Lenkor demons who grabbed him and try to re-chain him. This time Angelus fights, but after his great battle with the Beast, he is no match for the powerful Lenkor demons.  
Angelus is rechained in the middle of the Propus. He is awaiting the beheading he is sure is coming. The Powers that Be would never allow Angelus to walk free.  
The Head Being once again approached Angelus and starts to recite in the unknown language. He then opens a small container and sets it in front of Angelus. A light appears out of the jar. Angelus's body once again begins to burn, then he passes out.  
Angel awakened still in chains. The Powers that Be were still there. The Head Being approaches Angel and says, "You risked everything you had, everything you were to fight the Beast. You believed you would die but chose to fight anyway. Angelus did his job and has now been contained. For your courage, your soul has been restored, the curse lifted. You are free to find and receive love.  
With that Angel is left alone. He is bruised and battered, but the words of the Head Being are still echoing through his head. He is at last free of the curse. Sadly, he smiles. *I am finally free, and have no one to share it with me.*  
He slowly makes his way back to the hotel. Hurting and exhausted, he falls into bed, leaving his friends to wonder exactly what happened.  
  
After he finished telling his friends the story (leaving the Connor and Cordy having sex, part out) they sat in silence trying to come to grips with his words. Fred was the first to break the silence.  
"Angel this is great! You are free to love Cordy without losing your soul."  
At the mention of Cordelia, Angel gets a strange look on his face and everyone knows there is something he's not telling them.  
  
Cordy walks up to the hotel, unsure of what she is going to say. Connor did not want her to leave, but make no attempt to stop her as she walked out the door. She had showered and tried to wash any scent of Connor away. She didn't know how Angel would react if he knew.  
  
Buffy hears Spike in the middle of another nightmare. She rushes upstairs partly to make sure he does not get loose and partly to see if she can help. She runs into the room to see Spike in full vamp face. The nightmares are so intense they cause physical pain, causing the demon to emerge. Buffy stays by his side until the nightmare subsides. Spike awakens to the concerned face of Buffy. He wonders how she can still look at him that way after what he's done.  
  
Cordelia walks into the hotel and see Angel, with his back to her, talking to Gunn and Fred. He senses her presence and turns around.  
"Hi, everyone." Cordy says timidly.  
Fred and Gunn look at Cordy, then at Angel. They saw the expressions on both their faces and remember they have things to do upstairs.  
Angel stands there and does not speak. He has no idea why she's here or what he should say to her.  
Cordelia is having the same problem. Everything she had planned to say left her when he turned to look at her. So, she tries small talk.  
"Well, I see the world didn't end." she says.  
"No" said Angel, "I stopped the Beast."  
Cordy could feel her courage leaving her. Angel wasn't himself, so she tried again.  
"So how did you stop it?" Cordy asked.  
Having just explained the whole story to the others, he gave her the shortened version.  
"The Powers that Be took my soul. I fought the Beast as Angelus, then they returned my soul and I came home.  
He didn't feel the need to tell her The Powers that Be lifted the curse. Cordelia didn't know what to say.  
Angel wanted to know if she would tell him about her and Connor. So he asked, "How's Connor?"  
Cordy hesitated for a minute and said, "He's recovering. We had a run in with the Beast and he was injured."  
"I suppose you have been his nurse?" Angel said sarcastically.  
Startled by the statement Cordy said, "What's that supposed to mean?"  
Tired of playing games, Angel said, "You looked like you were giving him alot of TLC last night."  
Cordy knew now that Angel has been there and that he had seen them.  
"What are you going to do now?" Cordy asked, not really wanting to hear the answer.  
"I'm not going to do anything. I have some questions though. How could you tell me you loved me and the same night take my son's virginity, or was that even the first time? How could you turn me away because of things I did when I didn't have a soul and over-look the fact Connor dumped me to the bottom of the ocean when he did have a soul? Isn't that just a little hypocritical?"  
Cordy was getting defensive now. How dare he judge her!  
"I thought the world was going to end. I didn't think you'd be able to stop the Beast, and you didn't. They had to bring Angelus back. I wanted him to know love before he died."  
"And now that the world hasn't ended, what are you going to do? Are you going to tell him it was all a mistake? Are you going to break his heart? Or are you going to show him more "love"?"  
Cordy was really angry now.  
"What does it matter to you? I don't owe you anything. I am an adult and so is Connor. If I choose to love Connor, it's my choice. After all, he can give me something you never can, unless you want to lose your soul!"  
As soon as the words came out, Cordelia regretted them but Angel didn't give her the chance to take them back.  
"So that's why you didn't return my love, because you couldn't get some whenever you wanted it. Sex does not equal love! If you think it does you are really messed up. Just remember this. If you hurt Connor you will answer to ME! Now leave before I get angry."  
Cordelia turned to leave then stopped, half turned and said, "I am sorry, Angel." Then she walked out the door.  
TWO MONTHS LATER  
  
Life went on for Angel. He finally told the gang about Cordy and Connor. Angel Investigations went on as usual. As time went on Angel thought more and more about Buffy. He was free to love her now. They could be together, so why hadn't he went to see her. Why did he keep coming up with excuses not to? Because he didn't know she would react. He would have to tell her about Connor. He still loved her and if there was a chance he had to take it. So, he informed the gang he was taking a trip and ask them to tell Connor when they talked to him. He packed a bag and left for Sunnydale, before he lost his nerve.  
  
Cordy and Connor still lived together but had not even kissed since the night of the apocalypse. Connor didn't understand why, but he loved her so much it didn't matter, as long as he could be with her. Cordy's feelings for Connor were growing. She saw that he loved her, yet she couldn't bring herself to tell him she was carrying his child. She would have to tell him soon, but right now she was just enjoying being with him. She still had the visions and Connor would always relay them to Angel. Cordy and Angel has not spoken since the fight. Connor was growing closer to his father and they were developing a bond. Angel's reaction, or should I say non reaction to him and Cordy puzzled Connor, but also convinced him Angel didn't love Cordelia the way she deserved to be loved.  
  
Buffy finished preparing breakfast for everyone. She turned to open the refrigerator and a hand came down on her shoulder. She jumped, turned around and saw Spike standing there.  
"Morning, Pet;"  
"Morning, Spike. You want something to eat?"  
"Yeah, I do." Spike replied with a suggestion in his voice that had nothing to do with food. Buffy missed the suggestion all together.  
Buffy and Spike had not resumed their sexual relationship, much to the relief of Xander. Spike was working through his guilt. The nightmares were getting fewer and less intense. He no longer had to be restrained when he slept. He came and went between Buffy's house and his crypt. He joined Buffy on patrol and basically did anything he could to be around her. He still loved Buffy, but understood she didn't return his love. She cared for him as a friend, but has no intention of going any farther than that. Spike held out hope that one day, she would love him. Until then, he would be her friend.  
Buffy staked the last vampire as he rose from the ground. Spike finished off his two vampires. It had been a fierce fight. There had been seven of them. Spike had never known such fear as when Buffy had been pinned by two vamps and they had almost turned her own stake against her. In true Buffy style she was able to throw them off and defeat them.  
After patrol, back at Buffy's house, Spike and Buffy were going over the battle, the good and the bad. Spike was still feeling the after-affects of his scare with the vamps. He decided to come clean about his feelings for her. He longed to take her in his arms, to touch her, to love her. If she didn't know how he felt, how could she return the feelings?  
"Love, we need to talk."  
Buffy knew she wouldn't like this.  
"O.K. What about?"  
"About us."  
"Spike, there is no us."  
"I know, Love, that's the problem. I love you, Buffy. I can admit now, I always have. You are always in my mind. Tonight, I saw those two vamps almost had you and the fear was unbearable. I'm not trying to pressure you. I've tried to give you space, but I need for you to know how I feel. I know you don't love me the way I love you. I accept that, but the need to hold you, to love you is so strong. If I can't have you, I'll just have to settle for being close to you, to help protect you, and hope one day you can return my love." With that said he went upstairs and Buffy was left in shock. It was the first time Spike had spoken of love since he got back.  
At that moment Dawn and Xander came in. Buffy shook off thoughts of Spike and greeted them.  
Later the next evening everyone but Spike was watching a movie. He was upstairs trying to figure out where to go from here. Buffy came into the room and asked Spike if he wanted to go on patrol with her. "Sure thing, Pet."  
  
Dawn and Xander were watching an old horror flick on TV, when there was a knock on the door. "I'll get it!" said Dawn, hopping up off the couch. She opened the door and there stood Angel.  
"Hi, is Buffy home?"  
"Who are you?" Dawn asked.  
"I'm Angel."  
"Oh yeah, I've heard about you. You're the guy who broke Buffy's heart by leaving her and going to LA."  
"Can I come in?"  
At that moment Xander walked up. "Oh great, another vampire with a soul in Sunnydale. Aren't we lucky.  
Angel was clearly confused. "What are you talking about?"  
"You mean you don't know?!"  
"Xander, where's Buffy? I need to see her. It's important."  
"She's on patrol with Spike."  
"Spike!! What the hell is she doing with Spike?"  
"Well, obviously you haven't talked to Buffy lately. Come in and I'll fill you in."  
"Dawn, why don't you go upstairs and start your homework."  
"Xander, I want to stay down here and listen!"  
"Dawn, please."  
"Oh, all right."  
Xander gave Angel the short version. Spike left Sunnydale and returned with his soul. Spike and Buffy had been paroling regularly together and Spike had been staying at the house some. He didn't tell Angel about Buffy and Spike having sex or Spike's attempted rape of Buffy. That was not Xander's place.  
Angel was in shock. Spike with a soul! All kinds of thoughts started turning in Angel's head. How? Why?  
Dawn came back downstairs and asked to see Xander in the kitchen.  
"What did you tell him, Xander?"  
"The truth."  
"The whole truth?"  
"No not all of it. There were some things that were not for me to tell."  
"What things?"  
"Look, Dawn. I know what you're getting at. I didn't tell Angel Spike tried to rape Buffy."  
Dawn was relieved. "Good. I was afraid you would tell him and after what I've been told about him, that he would go after Spike."  
"In that case, maybe I should tell him!"  
A voice came from the door. "You already have." Then he was gone.   
"Damn, I forgot about vampire hearing." Xander said.  
  
It had been a boring patrol. They had only seen one vampire all evening. He was pretty clumsy, even though he had made Spike fall into a mud puddle. Then, Buffy dusted him. They went to Spike's crypt so he could change clothes.  
Spike stripped without embarrassment in front of Buffy. It wasn't as though they had never seen each other naked. Buffy tried not to watch him but her eyes seem glued to his body. She felt desire rising. She had not felt this way since before Spike left. Spike was different now. He was good now. He was helping her. Unable to resist any longer she walked up to Spike just as he was pulling his pants up. Without giving him time to button them, she throws her arms around him, and starts to kiss him. She loves the feel of his bare back on her hands. Spike is startled at first, but that is quickly replaced by the desire he's been trying to control since he got back. He tries to be gentle. He doesn't want to scare her, but she's having none of it. She is giving in to the passion she can't control.  
They go from wall to wall. First, he's against the wall. Then, she's against the wall. Things are getting hot and heavy and rough, just the way they like it.  
Angel is walking through the graveyard, looking for Buffy, when he heard what sounded like a body being thrown against the wall inside the crypt. Terrified of what might be happening inside he goes running into the crypt. He enters just in time to see Spike, no shirt and unbuttoned pants, push Buffy against the wall and continues kissing here. He doesn't think, doesn't notice that Buffy's not fighting. He just reacts. He grabs Spike by the neck and throws him against the opposite wall.  
"Bloody hell, what was that for?" Then he sees Angel.  
"I'll kill you now. I should have done it a long time ago."  
He started toward Spike and Buffy jumped in front of him.  
"No, Angel." she said. "You don't understand."  
"Don't understand what? I saw him trying to force you to...."but he couldn't finish the sentence.  
"No, Angel. Spike wasn't forcing me to do anything."  
"So you were willingly kissing him after what he tried to do to you?" "What do you know about what he tried to do?"  
"I stopped by your house. Xander filled me in. He didn't tell me about the attack though. I overheard him and Dawn arguing about it. So, what are you doing with this guy?"  
"What happened then is in the past. Spike has a soul now. He's trying to find redemption for the evil in his past. He's been helping me."  
"If you needed help, why didn't you come to me."  
"The last time I came to you, you ordered me out of your city, because I was trying to help you."  
"Spike is evil. He's always been evil. He doesn't know how to be good."  
"You're one to talk, mate considering you were once known as the baddest vampire in the land."  
Buffy tried to change the subject, knowing this was leading up to a fight.  
"What are you doing here, Angel."  
"I needed to talk to you. There are some things I need to tell you. Can we go somewhere private and talk?"  
"You can go with me to finish patrol."  
Spike liked none of this, but knew it was useless to argue with Buffy. When she made up her mind... Angel being here could only mean trouble for Spike. Bloody hell, why did he have to show up now. He was so close to winning Buffy back.  
As Buffy and Angel were leaving, Angel stopped by Spike and said, "You don't deserve forgiveness for what you tried to do. Buffy may forgive you and let it go, but I never will. We'll finish this later."  
"Anytime mate." was the reply.  
They finished patrol with very few words and returned to Buffy's house. They sat on the front porch, neither of them saying anything. Angel had no idea how to begin, and didn't know that he wanted to after what he had seen at the crypt. Buffy, too, was confused. She didn't know why the was here, but she was afraid it wasn't happy news. She was also somewhat embarrassed that he had caught her with Spike. If he had been a few minutes later... God, she didn't want to think about it.  
"What do she need to tell me?" Buffy finally asked.  
"I don't know how to begin. Alot has happened in the past few months. Things that have changed my life forever."  
"Please Angel, just tell me. You came all this way. It must be very important."  
"O.K., here goes." He took a deep breathe to bolster his courage and began. "I have a son. His name is Connor."  
"A... A...son?!" she stuttered. "But, how?"  
"I'm not really clear on the how part, but here is a mention, in the prophesies, about the child of two vampires."  
"Two vampires?" Buffy couldn't bring herself to ask who the other vampire was. She didn't have to. Angel kept talking, afraid if he stopped he wouldn't be able to finish. He began at the beginning with how Wolfram and Hart brought Darla back as human, how Dru turned her, their violent relationship, her death, and the kidnapping of and return of Connor as an 18 year old. He ended with him being sunk to the bottom of the ocean and how Wesley rescued him.  
When he finished his story the turned to look at her. He couldn't face her as he told the story. Buffy sat in shocked silence. Angel has a son, with Darla! It was too much to take in.  
Angel could see the different emotions cross her features, yet she did not speak.  
"Please, say something." he pleaded.  
"I don't know what to say. Why didn't you tell me before? Why are you telling me this now?" Buffy is clearly upset.  
"That was only part of what I wanted to tell you. I will admit I was messed up for awhile. I lost sight of the mission. I guess I fell into a depression. The result was Connor. I couldn't tell you because I couldn't stand to see you look at me the way you're looking at me now."  
"So what changed? Why tell me now?"  
"I changed. Two months ago, everything changed for me. The rules changed."  
Before Buffy could ask what that meant, Spike came onto the porch.  
"Angel why don't you go back to LA? No one wants you here. You've caused Buffy enough pain. Leave her to somebody who loves her."  
"And who would that somebody be? You?" Angel sneered.  
"Bloody right! I love her and I won't run off to another city and break her heart."  
Angel hit him and knock him off the porch. Buffy rushes to get in between them before Angel could get to him again.  
"Stop it! Now!" Buffy orders, looking from one to the other.  
"Back off, love. It's time we settled this." was Spike's reply.  
"No, not here, not now! Spike would you please go inside and make sure Dawn is doing her homework and not watching you two act like a couple of little boys."  
"Only for you, pet." Spike kissed her hand before going into the house.  
"You actually trust him with your sister?"  
"Yes, I do. Spike has changed."  
Angel caught the look on her face and was stunned.  
"Do you love him?" Angel asked, afraid of the answer.  
  
The phone rings and Fred answers, "Hello, Angel Investigations."  
A brief conversation follows and Fred hands up the phone dumbfounded. Gunn walks into the room.  
"Who was on the phone? Was it a case?" he asked and then saw she was staring at him in shock. "Fred, are you O.K.? What is it? Who was on the phone?"  
"A doctor, and OB/GYN. He wanted to talk to Cordy."  
"So?" Gunn said with thoughts of routine female exams on his mind.  
"He said he needed to reschedule Cordy's prenatal check-up."  
"Cordelia's pregnant? Man, this ain't going to be good."  
  
Cordy paces the apartment trying to decide how to tell Connor. She decided today is the day. She is still pacing when Connor walks in.  
"Hi." says Cordelia. "Please, come over here and sit down. We need to talk."  
"O.K."  
"Connor, I have something to tell you."  
"Are you finally going to tell me about the baby?"  
Cordelia is stunned. "How did you know?"  
"I knew before you did. Your smell, you hair, your entire body chemistry changed."  
"I should have known. You are your father's son."  
"Is that why you haven't been around him, my father I mean? Were you afraid he would know, too? Are you ashamed of what happened between us?"  
"No, I'm not ashamed. It's just Angel and I were very close to getting together ourselves. I still love him, like you love a friend. It's just, his past got in the way of our future. I just don't want to hurt him anymore."  
"So where do we go from here? This is all new to me. When are you due? When do we get to tell people? When are we going to tell my father?" Connor sounded excited.  
"I'm not due for another seven months. As for Angel, I want to tell him soon. Keeping secrets will only hurt him more. He deserves to know he's going to have a grandchild."  
"Cordelia, what about us? Do you love me? You haven't touched me since the night of the Beast."  
"Of course I love you! I just don't know that I love you in that way. The night we make love was wonderful. I wanted to show you love before the world ended, but the world didn't end. Now we have a baby on the way and I'm not sure, exactly, how I feel about you. You never lied to me, and I can't lie to you now. I don't know that we'll ever be together as a couple. We have a strong connection with each other, and because to the child we will always be a part of each other's lives.  
"I want to tell my father today. I want him to know."  
"O.K. We'll go see him tonight."  
  
Dawn came out onto the porch and said, "Angel you have a phone call from Gunn. He said it was important."  
Angel went inside. When he came back outside, he looked like he had been hit by a truck.  
"Angel, what is it? What's wrong?"  
"I'm going to be a grandfather. I haven't been a father but a few months and now I'm going to have a grandchild."  
"Angel, what are you talking about?"  
"Cordy is pregnant with Connor's child!"  
"Cordelia?! Her and Connor are together! You left that part of your story out. I know its a shock, but shouldn't you be happy for them?"  
"Buffy, before I can answer that without confusing you, I need to tell you the rest of the story."  
Knowing they could never have a future if they kept secrets, Angel told her everything. About his feelings for Cordy, her return from the higher plane, and his reaction to them together the night of the apocalypse.  
Buffy made no comment as he told his story, only listened. She couldn't judge Angel. After all, she had been with other people, including Spike. Angel had stopped talking and was awaiting her reaction, but the question she asked was not the one he expected.  
"So, how did you stop the beast?"  
This was the part he was reluctant to tell her. What if he told her and she decided she didn't want to be with him? He didn't know if he could handle that. He realized now he had never felt for Cordelia the intense love he felt for Buffy.  
He mustered up his courage and began. Again, he left out nothing. "...and then The Powers that Be returned my soul and lifted the gypsy curse. I'm free to be happy. To have as many moments of perfect happiness as I can get."  
Buffy was astonished. Angel was free! He could finally find happiness without fear of the demon in him taking over.  
"Why are you telling me this now? Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for you, but shouldn't you being telling Cordelia how you feel? Does she love Connor? Do you love her?"  
"That's the point of all this. I now know I never felt for Cordy the love I felt and still feel for you. All I could do for the last two months is think of you. Tell me Buffy, is there a chance for us?"  
"Before I answer your question, I need to tell you some things. You were honest with me and now I need to be honest with you. You may not like alot of what I need to say. It could change the way you feel about me." Angel seriously doubted that.  
She began with the first time she kissed Spike, their odd relationship, the assault in the bathroom, right up until Angel caught them together tonight.  
Angel was having the same problem digesting her story as she did with his.  
Finally he asked, "Do you love him? Is that why you defended him tonight?"  
"I defended him tonight because he deserves the chance to try to make up for the things has done. The same chance you have."  
"You didn't answer my question!" Angel said, getting a little upset. "Do you love him?"  
"In a way, yes, I do."  
Angel felt completely defeated. The one girl he would have given everything for, loved someone else.  
"I guess that's all that needs to be said." replied Angel as he started to leave.  
"Angel, I said in a way. I have never loved anyone the way I loved you! But you've been gone for a long time. I couldn't put my life on hold on the off chance you'd come back. I moved on but I have always and will always love you."  
"So, does that mean there's a chance?"  
"I don't know. It doesn't feel good to be your second choice. You left me because you wanted me to have a normal life with someone in the sun. Then, you go to LA and almost start a relationship with Cordelia. What was your plan with her? How did you plan to work out the differences with her, you couldn't work out with us?"  
"I never planned to have feelings for Cordy. It just happened. I hadn't thought that far ahead yet."  
"Then the Beast came, The Powers that Be removed your curse and problem solved. Except by then Cordelia had gotten together with Connor. So, here you are, with your second choice." Buffy retorted, starting to get a little angry.  
"No, that's not it. Yes, it hurt a hell of alot to them together and it made me mad. I felt betrayed, by both of them. But, it still didn't hurt as bad as the day I left you to go to LA. You are my destiny Buffy. No one has ever make me feel, like you make me feel."  
Buffy wanted to speak, but no words would come. What could she say? Angel noticed her expression and thought he had thrown too much at her at once.  
"I know this is alot to take in all at once. I'll come back tomorrow. Give you time to think." Angel felt like he'd lost her, to Spike of all people.  
"Angel, where are you going to stay?"  
"I'm not sure yet. I'll find a place."  
"Please, stay here. I want you to meet Dawn." "We've met. She doesn't like me."  
"She doesn't know you. Please stay."  
"Is Spike staying here?"  
"I don't know. He comes and goes whenever he takes the urge."  
"O.K. I'll stay as long as I don't have to share a room with Spike."  
  
Things were kind of awkward that night. Buffy and Spike had a familiarity with each other that make Angel uncomfortable. He could tell Dawn thought Buffy should be with Spike. She thought of him as a big brother. Angel and Spike tried to be civil to each other, for Buffy's sake, but she knew they were dying to rip each other apart. Xander left in disgust at the whole situation. Willow dropped by, surprised to see Angel. Dawn explained the details she knew, which wasn't much. Willow didn't stay long. Just long enough to tell Buffy if she needed to talk, she'd be there.  
Spike didn't want to leave the two of them alone but Buffy finally told him her and Angel wanted to have a private conversation. They talked the evening through and late into the night. They talked about everything but their relationship. Angel talked about Angel Investigations, some of the cases they had, about Fred, Gunn and Lorne. Buffy talked about life since her mother passed away, about dying and being brought back.  
Finally, Buffy turned in for a couple of hours before she went to work at the school. Angel was left alone with his thoughts. He wondered if he had any right to her at all. Spike was right. He did leave her. He did hurt her.  
Spike came downstairs and said, "We need to talk, mate."  
"What do you want Spike? I really don't need this right now."  
"Well, you'll just have to deal with it. I want to talk about you and Buffy."  
"Buffy and I are none of your business."  
"I'm making it my business. I love her."  
"You don't deserve to be able to look at her, much less love her."  
"You don't deserve her either. However, she seems to love you. Can't figure out why. She loves you in the way I wish she could love me. I only want her to be happy, so I'm going to back off. But, if you ever hurt her again, I swear, I'll kill you."  
"So, I'm supposed to believe you're just going to let go. Just like that."  
"I don't care what you believe. Just know, I'll kill you if you hurt her." And with that last statement, he was gone.  
Angle was stunned. He didn't think it possible that Spike could put someone else before himself.  
  
Cordy and Connor were walking down the street heading for the hotel. They were talking and laughing, just enjoying each other's company.  
Suddenly, out of a side street came five vampires. Connor was well known and hated in the vampire community. These guys wanted to take him out to increase their reputations. If they could kill Connor, they would be very powerful and feared among the other vamps.  
The vamps focused on Connor, not paying much attention to Cordy. All five attacked Connor at once and he has a hard time keeping all of them at bay. Cordelia picks up a piece of wood from the street and tries to stake one of the vamps, but he turns and knocks her to the ground. That vamp and one other come after her. Cordelia puts up a good fight and manages to stake one of the vamps. The other one is giving her more trouble. With two of the vamps distracted, Connor has no problem with the remaining three. He finishes them off and turns to see Cordelia having problems with the last vamp. He starts toward her to help her and is so intent on her, he doesn't see the sixth vamp that had been hiding during the fight. He jumps from the shadows and stabs Connor in the chest. Connor stumbles but manages to fight off the vamp and dust him. He turns to help Cordy, just in time to see her dust the last vamp. Then he collapses. Cordelia rushes to his side.  
Cordelia sees the wound in his chest is very serious. He is bleeding profusely. She knows he needs medical care immediately. She grabs her cell phone and dials 911. She gives them the street and what happened. They are on their way. She hangs up with 911 and calls the hotel.  
"Hello, Angel Investigations."  
"Fred, it's Cordy. Where's Angel?"  
"He's not here. What's wrong? Is it the baby?"  
"How do you know about the baby? Never mind! Where's Angel?"  
"He went to see Buffy. He's in Sunnydale."  
"He went to see Buffy?" The hurt in her voice is obvious. "Well, get him back to LA, NOW!!  
"Cordy, what's going on?"  
"It's Connor. He's been hurt. It's bad."  
"OH GOD! Where is he?"  
"We're on Clearview Street but the ambulance just pulled up to take him to the hospital. Please, find Angel and tell him."  
Fred hung up the phone and yelled for Gunn.  
  
Not long after Spike left, the phone rang. Thinking it was Spike, changing his mind, and not wanting to wake Buffy, Angel answers the phone. It's Gunn. Gunn explains the situation to Angel and tells him he needs to come home, now.  
Angel hangs up the phone, his fear for Connor taking over. He scribbles a quick note to Buffy and leaves.  
  
Angel arrives at the hospital, just as the sun starts to rise. He gets Connor's room number from the clerk and rushes up the stairs, not even waiting for the elevator. The first person he sees is Cordy.  
"How is he? Is he OK?" Angel asked anxiously.  
"He's holding his own. The doctor said it's a very serious wound. It just missed his heart."  
"I need to see him, now."  
"Of course, he's in here." she says as she leads him into Connor's room.  
Angel walks into the room and sees Connor lying there, hooked up to tubes and machines. He's heavily medicated and sleeping. Angel sits down beside the bed and takes Connor's hand. He doesn't speak, he can't. His emotions are over whelming him.  
He finally gets his emotions under control. He turns to Cordelia.  
"What happened?"  
Cordelia explained the attack and the vamp in hiding. Then, she burst into tears.  
"It's all my fault. He was so intent protecting me, to make sure I didn't get hurt, he didn't notice the sixth vampire."  
"It's not your fault Cordy. But, what were you two doing out that late at night?"  
"We were coming to see you."  
"Did you have a vision or something?"  
"No, we had something we wanted to tell you and Connor insisted on doing it last night."  
"Were you going to tell me about the baby?"  
"God, how does everyone know? Did someone post it in the paper?"  
"Doesn't matter. Are you OK? Is the baby OK?"  
"Yes, we're fine."  
  
Dawn awakened before anyone else. She went to check on Spike. His room was empty. She went downstairs and found Angel gone. She saw his note by the phone. She hesitates for a minute before slipping the note in her jacket, hanging by the phone. Angel doesn't deserve Buffy. He doesn't even like Spike. No, Angel is all wrong for Buffy.  
Buffy awakens and goes downstairs. Dawn is in the kitchen. She has breakfast ready.  
"Where is everybody?"  
"I don't know. No one was here when I got up."  
Buffy is concerned. What if Spike and Angel went somewhere to "finish things"  
"Dawn, tell them at school that I'm sick and won't be able to work today."  
"What are you going to do?"  
"I'm going to find Spike and Angel."  
  
Spike was in the middle of a wonderful dream about Buffy. He is smiling slightly in his sleep. He is rudely awakened by Buffy bursting into the crypt.  
"Where is he, Spike? What happened between you two?" Buffy demands.  
"Bloody hell, Pet. What are you yelling about?" asked Spike, groggily.  
"Where is Angel?"  
"Damned if I know. I'm not his baby-sitter."  
"Are you telling me that the two of you didn't go somewhere last night to fight.?"  
"No, Pet, we didn't. When I left, he was still at your house. Are you saying he's gone?"  
"Yeah, he's gone. There's no sign of him anywhere."  
"Well, no surprise there. He does seem to make a habit of that."  
"Spike. Not helping."  
"Sorry, Pet."  
"Why would he leave without saying anything, without a word, especially after last night."  
"What happened last night?"  
Knowing he has feelings for her, she doesn't want to tell him, but she doesn't have to. He knows.  
"Maybe he changed his mind."  
"Changed his mind about what?" she asked, trying to sound innocent.  
"About whatever you two talked about last night and he doesn't want to face you."  
The very thought of that hurt. Damn him, why couldn't she let him go? Was she doomed to love and be without him for the rest of her life?  
Spike could see the hurt in Buffy's features and had an incredible urge to kill Angel. At least he didn't drag it out. At least he left before she got too attached to him again.  
"Why hasn't Buffy called? It's been two weeks! Is this her way of telling me she's choosing Spike? Could she just not work up the nerve to tell me?" Angel asked, to no one in particular.  
"Angel, man. Calm down. Maybe this is her way of telling you something. You've been gone a long time. Maybe it's not Spike, maybe she just doesn't want to try again. Maybe there's too much history there." Gunn commented, trying to be helpful.  
Angle stopped pacing. If that were true, he really couldn't blame her. He knew his leaving had hurt her. He could understand her not wanting to go through that again. Well, he had tried. He had taken the chance, and he had failed. It was something he would just learn to live with. He had managed to live without her before. He would just have to do it again.  
  
"Dawn, want to go out for ice cream?" Spike asked.  
"Sure, but Buffy doesn't want me snacking before dinner."  
"She's on patrol with Xander. Dinner won't be for a couple of hours. Let's go. Don't forget your jacket. It's chilly out." Spike took her jacket off the hook, held it up for her to put on and noticed a piece of paper fall out of the pocket.  
"What's this?" he asked as he bends to pick it up.  
Dawn see the note and panics.  
"It's nothing!" she says quickly and grabs for the paper. However, Spike is too fast. He opens the folded paper and reads it.  
"Spike, please don't tell Buffy. She doesn't belong with him. If she thinks she must date, she should date you. You love her."  
"Little Bit, I know you had our best interests at heart, but it's not for you to decide. Buffy has to make the decision. I have to give this to her."  
"But, what if she gets back together with him? What will happen? Would I still be able to see you? I know you two hate each other. Would they forbid me to be your friend?"  
"Whoa, slow down. Of course, we'd be able to see each other. Buffy wouldn't stop being my friend just because she got back together with Angel."  
"Promise?"  
"I promise. Now, lets go find Buffy. For two weeks she's believed he left without a word. She should know he didn't just leave."  
"No, I can't. She'll be mad."  
"Yes, you can. Now, come on."  
  
Buffy and Xander were on patrol in the graveyard, talking about Angel and the way he left. Xander thought it was about par for the course. Buffy was just hurt.  
Dawn and Spike walked up. Dawn, with a shamed face, told Buffy what she had done and gave her the note. Buffy opened the letter and read.  
  
My Dearest Buffy,  
I don't want to leave with things so up in the air with us, but I have to. Connor has been injured and is in the hospital. It's very serious and he needs me. I still love you. I still want you with me. Maybe this will give you time to sort out your feelings. If you don't want me, I understand. I caused you alot of pain, but we also had a love most people only dream of having. In 255 years, you're the only woman I've ever loved enough to let go. I hope you will find your way back to me.   
Love Always  
Angel  
  
He didn't just leave her again. There was an emergency! She turned to Dawn, her shock turning to anger.  
"Why did you hide this from me? You let me think Angel had deserted me!"  
"I'm sorry Buffy. I was just afraid the two of you would get back together and I wouldn't be able to be Spike's friend anymore."   
"Dawn, that would never happen. I wouldn't stop you from seeing a friend. Spike has taken care of you and looked after you. He has been a real friend. I could never take that away."  
  
They got back to the house and Buffy started making plans. She had to see Angel. She had to explain, in person, what had happened. He must think she didn't want him, that she didn't care about Connor's injury.  
She make arrangements for Dawn to say with Willow and Spike and Xander to take over patrol. Then she left for LA.  
  
Cordy was by Connor's side when Angel arrived at the hospital. She hadn't left the hospital but once since he had been there. Now that Connor was recovering, Angel was kind of uncomfortable around Cordelia. Everytime he looked at her, he saw them together. When they were in the same room there were awkward silences and they wouldn't look at each other. Cordelia was upset that Angel had been in Sunnydale with Buffy. Cordelia thought Angel was long over Buffy. Angel was uncomfortable with knowing, and having seen, Cordy and his son having sex. You could feel the tension in the air.  
Connor was being released tonight. The doctors considered his recovery nothing short of a small miracle. The wound was healing rapidly and no vital organs had been damaged.  
Finally, Cordy couldn't take the tension anymore and announced she was leaving Connor and Angel alone for some "father and son time". Connor, despite being wounded, had noticed the tension between Angel and Cordy.  
"Dad, can I talk to you about something?"  
"Sure, Connor. Anything."  
"It's about Cordelia."  
"Oh." was all Angel could manage.  
"What are your feelings about her? What are your feelings about us, me and her that is?"  
Angel hesitated, not knowing what to say.  
"Dad, please. I need to know." Connor almost pleaded. "Please, tell me the truth. No lying, no sugar coating."  
"Connor, honestly, I don't know what I feel. A part of me is mad as hell at both of you. Before her being called by The Powers that Be and the ocean thing with me, we were about ready to admit we had feelings for each other. A part of me is angry that we never found out where that could have led us. Then there's a part of me that is O.K. with everything. You have good taste. You couldn't have chosen anyone better than Cordelia. She's a wonderful person. It's obvious you love her."  
"Yeah, I do. But, how does she feel about me? That's the question."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Dad, this is really personal. If it's going to freak you out, you don't have to talk about it."  
"It's O.K.. I want you to be able to talk to me about anything." Angel replied, not really wanting to hear this, but determined to be there for his son.  
"Well, I think she regrets the night we were together. She says she doesn't, but she does. I think she regrets you were not the man she was with that night. I think she loves you, not me."  
"Connor, I ..." Angel stuttered afraid of where Connor was going with this.  
"Dad, stop. I don't blame you, but it's the way I feel. Actually, you've taken the situation in alot better than I think I could have in your place."  
"Have you talked to Cordelia about the way you feel?"  
"No, I don't know how. She seems so distant. I mean, we're living in the same apartment, but she never touches me. The only time we were together was that night. Now, she acts like my friend, but she won't allow me to get too close. Am I making any sense?"  
"Connor, Cordelia has alot going on right now, with the baby and everything."  
"I know" Connor cut in. "And I want to be there for her, but I don't know how."  
"Connor, it's time I let you in on the biggest secret known to fathers. Pregnant women are weird. Men never learn this, until they have to deal with one on a regular basis. Her hormones are going crazy, the knowledge of life growing inside her body. It all works to make a pregnant woman impossible to understand. You just need to give her time to work out how she feels. You have to remember, she never expected this to happen."  
"But what am I supposed to do? Do I tell her how I feel, and risked her saying she doesn't feel the same? Do I keep quiet and try to go on the way we have?"  
"She deserves to know how you feel. Maybe she's not sure how you feel and that's the reason she's keeping her distance."  
"But what if I tell her and she doesn't feel the same? What do I do then?"  
"That's a question you have to answer. I know it's not easy to love someone and they not return your love. Basically, you have two options. One, learn to accept her feelings for you are not the same as your feelings for her and continue to be there for her, continue to be her friend. Two, break off the relationship entirely. Have absolutely nothing to do with each other. Option two would be next to impossible because of the baby. You are going to be part of each other's lives forever, because of this child.  
If she doesn't feel this same, sometime in the future, you may have to deal with her being with someone else."  
"Do you want that someone else to be you?"  
"No, Connor, I don't."  
"Dad, if you have feelings for her, why did you let her go without a fight? Was it because of the curse?"  
"No, I let her go because you can't make someone love you. And because she deserves someone who loves her with everything has, his heart, his soul, and his body. The kind of love I want is very intense. It invades every cell of your body and your mind. I care very much for Cordelia. She will always be my friend, but I don't have that consuming love for her."  
"Have you ever felt that way for someone?"  
Angel sighed. It hurt so much to think of her. But he said, "Yes, I have."  
"Who was it? What happened?"  
"Her name is Buffy. She is a chosen one, a vampire slayer."  
"Dad! You fell for a slayer! Is that ironic or what."  
"Yeah, it is. She is special."  
"Where is she now? Why aren't you with her? Is she the girlfriend that sent you to hell for a hundred years?"  
As much as it hurt to talk about her, Angel told Connor that story of Buffy. He started with the first time he ever saw her, after Whistler had found him, homeless and disgusting, in New York. He finished by telling him about his visit to Sunnydale the night he was injured.  
"And she hasn't contacted you? Why?"   
"I believe it's her way of saying, she doesn't want to try again. Not that I blame her. I caused her so much pain. The demon inside, known as Angleus, tormented her when he was loose. Then just before she had to send me to hell to save the world, my soul was returned. She had to kill the man she loved, not the demon she despised."  
"What about the curse? How did you plan on working it out this time?"  
Angle realized he hadn't told Connor about The Powers that Be removing the curse. So he told of the fight with the beast and his victory and his reward.  
"So, she knows you're free and she still doesn't want to try again. If she loves you, how can that be?"  
"Connor, you don't yet know, and I pray you never will know, what a broken heart is like. It's something I can't describe. Once bitten, twice shy." Connor gave Angel a funny look and Angel grinned and said, "Yeah, I know, bad joke." Then he got serious again. "But, it's true. Once someone has hurt you like that, it's hard to go back. It will always be there that it could happen again. That someday you may have to go through the heartache again. Sometimes, you're not willing to take that chance. I left Buffy over three years ago. She has moved on. She has a life. She's dated other people, she's been raising her sister since her mom died. She just doesn't want to take the chance that I'll hurt her again. I respect that. I wish it was different, but it's not. I can't force her to give me another chance."  
"So, what are you going to do now?"  
"I'm going to go on with my life. Life doesn't stop for a broken heart, and neither can we."  
  
Buffy walked into the hotel. Fred was there, behind the desk. She was more than mildly shocked at seeing Buffy. Angel was upstairs getting Connor settled in. They had just arrived home a few minutes before.  
"Hi. Is Angel here?"  
"Um, he's upstairs. They just got here with Connor."  
"Hey, Fred." came a voice from upstairs. "Could you bring up some more blankets..." The words trailed off as he walked down the stairs and into sight of Buffy.  
"Hi." he said. It was the only word that would come out.  
"Hi," Buffy replied. "Can I talk to you?"  
"Oh, yeah, sure. Just let me get Connor settled."  
"Take your time. I'll wait."  
Connor knew something was up when he came back into the room. The look on his face was a mixture of shock, hope, and love.  
"What is it, Dad?"  
"It's Buffy. She's here. Downstairs."  
Connor grinned. His dad was defiantly in love. "Then what are you doing up here?" he asked.  
"You are my first priority. You always will be. I have to make sure you're O.K. first."  
"Dad, I'm fine. GO! Go talk to her. You have been hoping to hear from her. This is better than a phone call."  
"Are you sure, cause..."  
"Dad, I'm good. Go! Now! Before she changes her mind and leaves."  
"Thanks, son." With that, he was out the door.  
  
A thousand thoughts were racing through Angel's head. Why was she here? Was everything all right? Was some big, bad evil on the loose? He got back downstairs to find Buffy pacing the lobby. He thought that meant something bad was going on. He started to panic. Then, he felt is heart sink into his stomach. She hadn't changed her mind. There was some great evil out there and she needed his help to stop it.  
"Angel!" Buffy said in surprise. She hadn't heard him walk up. She was so engrossed in her thoughts. "How's Connor?"  
"He's healing. He heals very quickly."  
"Good, I'm glad to hear that."  
"Buffy, is everything O.K. Is something wrong?"  
"No, nothings wrong. I just wanted to tell you in person, why you haven't heard from me before now."  
*Oh, no* Angel thought. *She's here to tell me she doesn't want me. She couldn't leave me hanging.*  
"Buffy, you don't owe me any explanations. You don't owe me anything." Angel said, the hurt in his voice unmistakable.  
"Angel, please, sit down. I want to explain."  
Angel sat down beside her. She took his hand and began. When she finished, she looked hard at Angel and awaited his reaction. Angel felt as though a ton had been lifted off his chest. She didn't just decide no. She thought he had changed his mind. Still, there were some things that weren't clear.  
"You mean, Spike made Dawn give you my letter? I'm having trouble with that one. It's pretty out of character for Spike."  
"I keep telling you. Spike has changed. He's not the same vampire you remember. I'll admit, at first he was good because of the chip in his head, but now it's because he had his soul returned."  
"Still, it's Spike!"  
"I know. I had trouble with it for a while."  
"Does Dawn hate me that much?"  
"She doesn't hate you at all. She just doesn't want to give Spike up as her friend."  
"Are you sure she doesn't just want you and Spike together?"  
"Dawn and I have already had that discussion. She knows it's not going to happen."  
"But she can still dream, and hope."  
"Maybe" Buffy admitted.  
"So, have you thought anymore about us?" Angel asked, afraid of the answer, but not being able to wait any longer.  
"Yes, Angel I have. I've thought alot about us. And, I've come to a decision."  
At that moment, Cordelia returned from her doctor's appointment. She was not happy about Buffy being there.  
"Oh, hey, Buffy." she said.  
"Hi, Cordelia. How have you been?"  
"Fine. What are you doing here?"  
"I needed to see Angel?"  
"You just saw him two weeks ago."  
"Well, I needed to see him again." Buffy replied, not liking Cordelia's attitude.  
"Whatever. How's Connor?" she asked Angel, ignoring Buffy completely.  
"He's fine. He's upstairs resting." Angel said, wondering why Cordy was getting so upset.  
"I think I'll go check on him." said Cordelia in a huff as she walked past them and on upstairs.  
"What's her problem?" Buffy asked Angel.  
"I don't know. I need to go check on her." said Angel, and headed upstairs after her.   
*Great,* thought Buffy. *We're never going to get to have a full, uninterrupted conversation.*  
  
He caught her before she got to Connor's room.  
"Cordelia, what's wrong?"  
"She's wrong!" Cordelia blurted out. "Why is she here? She doesn't belong here! She doesn't belong with you. I thought she was part of your past."  
"I'm hoping she'll be part of my future."  
"Your future! What makes you think you two can work things out this time? Is this because I slept with Connor? Are you trying to get back at me?"  
"This has nothing to do with you. You made your decision. You slept with Connor. You're going to have his baby. I care about you. I always will, but I have loved Buffy since the first time I saw her.  
And while we're on the subject of Connor. What are you going to do? Do you love him? Are you two going to be together? He's in limbo, not knowing how you feel. How long are you going to leave him hanging?"  
"I don't know what I'm going to do yet. But, that's not what we were talking about. We were talking about you and Buffy.  
"Cordelia, don't interfere in my love life, while your own is so up in the air. You could do alot worse than Connor. He will take care of you, he will protect you, he will LOVE you, if you'll just let him. If you don't want him, tell him. If you do want him, tell him. But don't hurt him. Don't lead him on, trying to get back at me. If that happens you WILL answer to ME!" With that, Angel turned and walked back downstairs, to his soulmate.  
  
"Sorry, Buffy. She's just feeling pregnancy hormones."  
"Angel, you're a very bad liar. Besides, I heard the two of you arguing."  
"I'm sorry, Buffy. I just don't want you to have bad feelings toward Cordy. She's been through alot."  
"Like you haven't? Does she even know about the curse being removed?"  
"No, I never told her."  
"Why not?"  
"I don't know. I guess I figured it didn't matter to her anymore."  
"What if it did?" asked Buffy. She still had a haunting feeling that she was his second choice.  
"Doesn't matter. She made her choice."  
"What if the thing between her and Connor had never happened? Would you have still shown up at my door, or would you have rushed back here and took her into your arms and made love to her?"  
"Buffy, what ifs don't matter. I love you. I never stopped loving you. You are my soulmate. You are the one I want."  
"It matters to me. Tell me the truth. What would you have done?"  
Angel longed to say that he would have forgotten all about Cordy and rushed back to her side. But, Buffy was right. He was a very bad liar.  
"I don't know. I was never in that position. I would have probably come to Cordelia at first, maybe not the making love part, but to tell her. I don't think it would have changed anything. You are still the one. I may have tried to make it work with Cordy, but I know I would have ended up back at your door. No matter how far I go, what I do, or who I see, you are the one who is always in my mind. I see you in my dreams, I sometimes think I see you walking down the street. You are part of me. Your blood still runs through my veins. You are my soulmate. We know when the other is near. After three years, I can still sense your presence."  
Buffy was close to tears. Angel saw them and tried to take her into his arms. She pulled back not wanting to be that close.  
"I'm sorry Angel. I have to go. Maybe I shouldn't have come."  
"Buffy, wait! What about us?"  
"I'm sorry Angel. There is no us. I can't live with being your second choice. When you get things settled with Cordelia, when you work out your feelings for her, then maybe, but not now."  
"Buffy, please. I love you. Don't leave me."  
"Don't you see Angel. I was your second choice. You just admitted it, just not with those exact words. If Cordy and Connor hadn't gotten together, you would have gone to her first. I love you Angel, for as long as I live. When you're ready to let her go, maybe there will be a chance. You know where to find me."  
Then she ran out of the hotel onto the street. Angel just sat and tried to digest her words. He had lost her, again. Couldn't he do anything right?  
  
Spike was patrolling with Xander and getting very irritated. Xander hadn't stopped talking about Buffy going to Angel all night.  
"Enough!" Spike yelled. "I know she's with the poof. There's nothing you or I can do about it. He always wanted to take what I loved."  
"Neither of you deserve her."  
"What and you do? I thought you were over your crush?"  
"I am Spike. She deserves someone closely resembling normal, which neither of you do. She shouldn't have to live in the night her whole life."  
"You don't understand. She belongs to the night. She always has. She is a creature of the night as much as I am."  
"NO, Spike, she's not. She is a human being. She can tan without bursting into flames. She can hold a cross to her skin, without smoking. She doesn't crave blood. She eats normal food. She can do all the things you can't do."  
"Yes, she can. But the night is in her. She is at her best in the dark, in the shadows. It's where she does her best work."  
Xander could not argue the point. Still, neither one of the blood drinkers deserved her.  
"Xander, I know you don't believe this, but I love her. I've loved her for a very long time. She took over my head and my heart. Without her, I wouldn't have my soul. It was because of her, I took the journey."  
"Yeah, you left for that journey because you tried to rape her. I'll never forgive you for that. You don't know how much she was hurting when I found her."  
"The nightmares that I had. You know the one's that almost drove me crazy. Well, they're gone now, except for one. You may never forgive me, but believe me, I'll never forgive myself. That day still haunts me. I still have the nightmares about it. You can't hate me for that anymore than I hate myself for that. If I have to I'll spend the rest of my days making it up to her."  
Xander found himself wavering. Spike was sincere. He did have a soul now. He could feel guilt now. Maybe it was enough. Maybe. That was yet to be seen.  
"Why did you make Dawn give her the note? You had every reason not to. Without Angel's competition, you had a chance with Buffy."  
"Because it would have been a lie. If I had hidden it from her and she had found out later, she would never, never forgive me. That's not the way to win someone's love. Besides, she would have found out sooner or later, you can count on that. Someway or another, she finds out every bloody thing. She had to make the choice. I knew which choice she would make, too. I know she's never felt about me the way she feels about him. It's one of the reasons I still hate him so much."  
"Spike, she cares for you. If she didn't, she would have staked you a long time ago. I think she does love you, in a way. Maybe that's why I have trouble forgiving you for what you did. You took advantage of her feelings."  
"Doesn't matter now, does it? She's with him. It's where she's always wanted to be. I guess both of us will just have to deal with it."  
Suddenly, they heard the sound of fighting. They took off toward the sound. They came out of the trees just in time to see Buffy stake a vamp.  
"Buffy, what are you doing here?" Xander asked.  
"Just came to enjoy the view, slay a few vamps, you know, the story of my life."  
"Where's Angel?" "He's in LA."  
"Why is he in LA and you in Sunnydale? What happened?"  
"Xander, I really don't want to talk about this right now. Why don't you two let me finish patrol, alone. I need to think and maybe vent some frustration."  
"O.K., but call me later and let me know you're O.K."  
"Sure."  
"Come on Spike. Let's give her some space."  
Spike hadn't said a word. He was listening to what her body language was saying. The bloody poof had hurt her again. Her every movement said so. She was hurting. Soul or not, Spike would enjoy killing Angel and watching him turn to dust. In fact, that might just be what he was going to do. First, he needed to know what happened. He told Xander he was going home, which he did. He was going to grab a bite to eat and then go find Buffy. She needed someone to watch her back. She shouldn't be alone right now.   
Before he could head back out the door, there was a knock. He opened the door to find Buffy standing there, crying. She didn't say a word, just came into his arms. He put his arms around her and held her. After a while, she calmed down.  
"What happened, Pet?"  
"It's not like you're thinking. He wanted me to be with him, but I couldn't."  
"Why?" Spike asked, not daring to hope it was because of him.  
"Because he had feelings for someone else. I was his second choice."  
Spike did not understand. Even as Angelus, there was an obsession with Buffy. Spike couldn't see anybody coming close to her in Angel's heart.  
"Come on love. You're not making any sense. Tell me what happened."  
Buffy was going to. She tried to, but the words would not come, only the tears. Spike gathered her up in his arms again. Bloody hell, what was going on? When she finally calmed down enough she told him about Cordelia. She told him what Angel had said about caring for Cordelia, but her and Connor being together had ruined any chance they had and how he had come to her.  
Spike didn't know how to respond. Spike could understand where Angel was coming from. He had a tug of war with himself about Dru and Buffy, but Buffy had won. What he had felt for Dru had never come close to what he felt for Buffy. Spike was sure it was the same for Angel. He had turned to Cordelia because Buffy wasn't there, not because she could ever compete with Buffy. In time, Buffy would realize that. He could hope she never did. Maybe then he would have a chance. But, that chance wouldn't be tonight.  
"Do you want me to walk you home. It's getting late."  
"No, I can't go home yet. Can I stay here tonight?"  
"Sure, pet. Are you sure you don't want your own bed?"  
"Do you want me to leave? Is my being here uncomfortable for you?"  
"No, that's not it. I just... O.K. it is, a little. I love you Buffy. It's hard to have you close to me. But, I would never throw you out. You are welcome to stay, as long as you like."  
"Thanks Spike. I just don't want to face reality right now. If I go home, it'll hit me, that he's not there."  
"All right then. Do you want to watch TV? I think I have some human food in the 'fridge. Are you hungry?"  
"I think I just want to sleep. Do you have a blanket? I'll curl up on the couch."  
"No, you can have the bed. There's a "Passions" rerun coming on that I want to see."   
Buffy knew he was lying, but she was too tired to argue. She murmured her thanks and good night. She laid down on the bed and was asleep almost instantly.  
Spike was dozing on the couch when a sudden noise awakened him. He turned to check on Buffy and saw she was in the middle of a nightmare. She kept saying "Angel" over and over.  
He walked over to her. She was so beautiful. She deserved to be happy. He lay down beside her, just to let her know she wasn't alone.   
She awoke from the nightmare suddenly. Spike was beside her, not touching her, just being there. He was making a habit of being there when she needed someone. She rolled over to face him, put her arms around him, and kissed him. Why? She wasn't sure. All she knew was she needed to be close to him right now.  
The kiss surprised Spike. He kissed her back for a moment, then stopped. He pulled away from her.  
"I'm not Angel, love. I never can be."  
"I know. I don't want you to be." Suddenly, she shook her head. "I'm sorry. I know you love me. I don't want to lead you on. I just... BLOODY HELL, I don't know what I am anymore."  
Spike grinned when she used the term "bloody hell". He must be rubbing off on her. He sobered again quickly.  
"I'll leave now." she said as she was getting up.  
"No, Buffy, wait." Spike said as he grabbed her arm. "You don't have to go."  
She sat back down and faced him, "Yes, I do. If I stay, I'll hurt you. I would be using you again, and you don't deserve that."  
"Buffy, I understand you don't love me like you do Angel. But do you deny that you have feelings for me? I am here for you. There are no expectations. I understand that I'll always be your second choice. The difference is, I accept that. You've never made it a secret. I love you. I'll take every minute with you that I can get." Then, he pulled her close and kissed her.  
Buffy knew she should leave. She knew what would happen if she stayed, but still she stayed. She deepened the kiss. All she knew was she didn't have the strength to break away and walk out the door. She couldn't be alone right now. She needed someone.  
This time was different from all their other sexual encounters. Spike was gentle and tender. He wanted to show this girl how much she meant to him. He tenderly caressed her face, gently kissed her neck, made love to her slowly and carefully. It was more satisfying, for both of them, than it had ever been before. They fell asleep in each other's arms.  
  
Fred looked up when Angel walked in the door. Every since Buffy had left, he had been distant and morose. He did his part, and more, with the business. He seemed to especially enjoy the fighting part. His relationship with Connor grew. Connor was the only one who could talk to Angel. With everybody else, he was distant. He still wouldn't talk to Cordy. It was a fact that disturbed Connor greatly. It was the only thing his father wouldn't talk to him about.  
"Hi, did everything go O.K.?" Fred asked Angel.  
"It went fine. There are a few less scuttle demons in the world."  
Fred knew she would be walking on thin ice with this comment, but she said it anyway. "Angel, do you want to talk about what happened with Buffy?"  
Angel turned to look at her, his eyes cold, "No, I don't."  
"Angel, please. You need to talk to someone. You haven't been yourself since she left."  
"I know, and I'm sorry." he said, with his look softening. "I have just been thinking about what she said. I think she made a few good points. I just have to figure out where to go from here."  
"Maybe I can help. Please let me try."  
Angel knew all his friends were worried about him and Fred was a woman. Maybe she could provide some insight that he was missing. So, for the first time since Buffy's visit, Angel told someone what happened. Fred listened without comment, until he finished.  
"Angel, you know that I am your friend, right?"  
"Yeah, I know." Angel replied, wondering what she was getting at.  
"O.K., that being said, if I were Buffy and you said those things to me. Well, I would have left, too. It hurt me to listen to it, and it wasn't about me. She was right. She was your second choice. It doesn't matter that you love her. You admitted Cordy would have been first. Plus, you waited two months before you told her. I know she's strong, the slayer and everything, but she's also a woman and women tend to require of the men they love, that they be 100% committed to them. In other words, until you have no more feelings for Cordy, she won't take you back."  
"But Fred, I'll always care for Cordy. She's my friend."  
"I don't mean those kinds of feelings. I mean any feelings other than friendship."  
"But I don't have any of those feelings."  
"Yeah, right. That's why you still can't look at her, or talk to her. If you really believe you don't have feelings for her, you're just fooling yourself, but you'll never fool Buffy."  
"So, what do I do? Knowing I can be with Buffy, but her not letting me in, is killing me."  
"First thing you have to do is start talking to Cordy again. You can't avoid her forever. She's carrying your grandchild. The child will be here in a few months."  
"What then? What do I do after that?"  
"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. For now, just concentrate on rebuilding your friendship with Cordy."  
  
SIX MONTHS LATER  
  
Cordy was moving pretty slowly these days. At eight months pregnant, she was having a hard time getting around. Connor still thought she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Connor had recovered fully from the attack. He only had a few scars to show it had ever happened. He and Cordy had remained at the hotel, even after he had recovered. They both agreed it was best to remain there and save their money, for the baby. Things were going well. Connor and Cordy were dating. They didn't sleep together, in the same room, but had "dates" where they would go to the movies or out to dinner. Angel and Connor were closer than ever. They smiled and laughed and talked all the time. They had really developed a good relationship. As for Angel and Cordy, the road had not been easy. The next few times they saw each other, Angel went out of his way to talk to her, and try to pretend everything was normal. After a few times, it started to seem normal, to both of them. Now, they were back like they were. They treated each other like brother and sister. The only difference was Angel was a little more protective of her. After all, she was carrying his grandchild. Connor was stunned at first. A part of him thought maybe Angel was trying to win Cordelia back, but after a while, it became obvious that wasn't what was in Angel's mind. Connor fell more in love with Cordelia every day. She had a glow about her. As for Cordelia, her feelings were growing too. Connor became more important to her everyday. She still wasn't sure she loved him in a romantic way, but she knew he was a very important part of her life.  
  
Life went on in Sunnydale. Buffy enjoyed her job at Sunnydale High, but she was glad to be in the middle of summer vacation. Dawn was with their father. He was feeling very guilty about not being around more. She would come back in two weeks. Willow was dating a girl she met on the Internet. Deanna lived about 45 minutes away. She seemed like a nice person. It was good to see Willow happy again. Tara's death had changed Willow in so many ways. She mourned Tara for a long time. It was good to see her moving on, without so much magic. Sure, she used it from time to time, always for good, to help Buffy, but she was no longer dependent on it. Spike was still around. He and the slayer still patrolled together. They had become very close. He and Buffy had not touched since the night she came back from LA. The next day Buffy felt very bad about what had happened. She knew she had given Spike hope, when there was no hope. She admitted she cared for him, but she knew nobody could ever take Angel's place in her heart. Spike seemed to take it all in stride. He knew he was second best. He hoped Angel would never come back and someday, maybe, she would turn to him again. He would be there waiting.  
  
Buffy came home from patrol to a ringing phone. Spike came in behind her and went into the kitchen for some nourishment. Buffy rushed to answer the phone.  
"Hello." she said, slightly out of breath.  
"Hi, it's Angel." was the reply on the other end.  
Now she was totally breathless. They had not spoken since the night she left. She had kept in touch with Cordelia, but had not heard a word from him. "Hi, how are you?"  
"Fine. I just wanted to let you know that Cordelia is in labor. They expect her to deliver in the next few hours."  
"That's great! Is everything going O.K.?"  
"Yeah, everything's fine. I just thought you'd want to know."  
"I did. Let me know when she delivers. I'd like to come and see the baby. That is, if you don't mind."  
"Why should I mind? I'm only the grandfather. I'm sure Cordelia would love to see you." Angel replied. This was harder than he thought it would be. He couldn't keep the hurt out of his voice.  
"Hey, Pet!" yelled a voice from the kitchen. "Where are my extra blood packets at?"  
Buffy put her hand over the phone and yelled back. "They're in the storage refrigerator down stairs."  
"Sorry about that Angel."  
"Was that Spike?" Angel almost yelled into the phone.  
Buffy could see where this was headed. She sighed and said, "Yes, it was."  
"What's he doing there? It's late."  
"We just got back from patrol. Angel, I don't want to do this with you. Spike is my friend. He stays around here alot. I'm sorry that you don't approve, but I like having him around."  
Angel started to reply, then thought better of it. So he just told her he would call when the baby was born, and hung up.  
Buffy hung up the phone in frustration. Why couldn't things ever be easy for them, she wondered. As much as they loved each other, something always seemed to get in the way.  
She reluctantly picked the phone back up to call Xander. That Cordelia was having a baby with Angel's son just gave Xander one more reason to hate Angel, but he insisted he wanted to know when the baby was born.  
  
Fred was the one who called the next morning to inform Buffy the delivery had gone well. Cordy and Connor were the proud parents of a baby boy. He was born at 6.54 am. He weighted 7 lb.. 3 oz. and he was perfect. She told Buffy Cordelia was looking forward to seeing her. She would be out of the hospital and back the hotel tomorrow. She also told Buffy that Cordelia missed everyone and if anyone wanted to come with her, they would be welcome. They had plenty of room for everyone.  
Buffy called Xander and Willow and Dawn. Dawn was disappointed that she wasn't there, but told Buffy to give Cordelia her congratulations.  
It was decided that Willow and Xander would accompany her to LA. They were getting ready to leave when Spike showed up. He wanted to go, too.  
"Spike, I don't think that would be wise." Buffy argued.  
"Why not? She said anybody that wanted to come was welcome."  
"I don't think she meant you."  
"You mean you don't think Angel would want me there."  
"Spike, it is his home."  
"I'm going. If he won't let me stay there, I'll find someplace else to stay. I have some business I need to take care of in LA."  
"And what business would that be?"  
"That's none of your business, Pet." Spike shot back. Spike's business was finishing things with Angel. Angel wasn't going to hurt her anymore. He knew Buffy would never speak to him again, but maybe she could finally let him go.  
In the end, no amount of arguing could persuade Spike to stay. So the four of them took off for LA.  
  
Angel was pacing in the lobby. He had been since Fred told him Buffy would be arriving later in the evening.  
"What time was she supposed to be here, Fred."  
"She didn't give me an exact time. She just said she would be leaving today and arrive sometime tonight."  
"Is Dawn coming with her?" Angel was nervous about seeing little sister again. He got the feeling, no matter what he did, Dawn was not going to make things easy. She didn't want him and Buffy together, period.  
"I don't know. I told her what Cordy said about bringing any of the gang that wanted to come."  
Angel wondered who would come. He would like to see Willow again. He had heard about everything that had happened and how she recovered. She had always been an ally. He groaned when he thought about Xander. Xander had always been jealous of Angel. He had never wanted Buffy with Angel. He took every opportunity to put Angel down. This was a happy time in his life. He did not want Xander there, but for Cordy, he would try to put up with him.  
Angel looked up expectantly when he heard the door open, and there she was, looking more beautiful than ever. Then behind her came Willow, then Xander, then Spike.  
"What the hell is Spike doing here, and how did he get in without an invitation?" Angel yelled.  
"Cordelia invited me, mate. Remember? She said anybody that wanted to come with Buffy was welcome. Well, I wanted to come."  
Angel just glared at him. "Get out of my home! Now!"  
"Angel, please. He just wanted to see the baby. He won't hurt anybody." Buffy said.  
"Yeah, after all he is part of my family." Spike chimed in.  
Angel did not like this, but if he sent Spike away, Buffy would be furious. "O.K., you can stay as long as you don't cause any trouble. But one wrong move, and I'll turn you to dust, my childe." Angel replied, giving Spike a look that reminded the blonde vampire alot of Angelus. Spike understood.  
  
Angel took Buffy upstairs to Cordy's room. They knocked and were admitted. Buffy could not speak when she saw the baby. He was absolutely beautiful. He looked just like Angel. Buffy gently took him into arms and just looked into his eyes. He was so innocent. His eyes were carbon copies of Angel's. They had the same bone structure and the same shaped nose. Angel stood back and watched Buffy with his grandchild. He saw the expression on her face and wondered for the millionth time if he had a right to ask her to give up her chance for a family, for him.  
"What's his name?" she asked.  
Cordelia answered with pride in her eyes, "His name is Liam Connor."  
Angel looked up quickly. They hadn't told him they were naming him that.  
"His name is what?" Angel asked, his voice breaking, slightly.  
"You heard me, Angel. We're naming him after you. Don't argue. It won't work. We signed papers before we left the hospital. It's official, so don't argue."  
Angel was at a loss for words. He was near tears. He knew he and Connor had gained alot of ground in their relationship, but he never dreamed he would let his son be named after him.  
At that moment Connor walked in. He saw the expression on Angel's face and grinned. "Cordelia, I thought we were going to tell him together."  
"Sorry, Buffy asked his name and I couldn't wait any longer."  
Connor hadn't even noticed Buffy when he walked in. He was focused on Cordelia and Angel. He looked at her now and felt as though he had been punched in the stomach. She was beautiful! No wonder his father had fallen for her. She still didn't compare to Cordelia though. There was just something about her, she was special. He could tell.  
Angel made the introductions. Buffy studied him critically. She couldn't forget that this boy had sunk Angel to the bottom of the ocean. He didn't look capable of doing something like that. Connor was having the same thoughts about her being the slayer. She was so tiny. How could she defeat vampires?  
After Buffy's visit with Cordy and little Liam, Willow took the next turn. Cordelia and Willow had never been close, but Willow was genuinely happy for Cordy and it showed.  
Xander walked into the room nervously. He didn't know what he would say to her. She had been gone for so long, but he never really forgot about her. After Anya, he thought about Cordy alot.  
"Hi, Cordelia. How are you feeling?"  
"I'm good. How are things with you?"  
"Good. I'm good. And I'm very nervous."  
"Why? I'm still the same person I was, except not quite as bitchy."  
This put Xander at ease and they had a pleasant reunion. When he left the room, he was happy for her. This child had been unexpected but Cordelia had no regrets about having him. Xander was no longer angry. He had yet to meet Connor, but from the way Cordelia spoke, he was a good guy.  
Spike decided to wait before seeing the baby. After Xander's visit Cordelia and the baby both needed a nap.  
The gang from Sunnydale and the gang from LA, minus Cordy and Liam, gathered in the lobby to catch up. Xander and Connor finally met face to face. Xander congratulated him on the birth and shook his hand. Xander had grown alot in the past few years.   
Buffy and Angel talked to everyone but each other. They avoided looking at each other and didn't speak to each other. They were uncomfortable and the tension was felt by everyone. Of course, Spike didn't help matters. He took every opportunity to be close to Buffy and talk to her. He completely ignored Angel. Angel was becoming angrier by the minute. Connor had been informed of Spike's status. Angel also told him Spike had a soul. He also told him never to trust him and be ready to stake him if it became necessary. Connor hoped it wouldn't be necessary. There was something about the bleach blonde vampire that Connor was drawn to.  
Everyone except Connor and Angel had gone to bed. Angel was in the kitchen fixing himself a snack. After the tension of the night, he needed the nourishment. Connor came into the kitchen. He still wasn't comfortable feeding around Connor but he desperately needed it. Connor didn't seem to mind. He wanted to talk to his father. They talked about this and that and about the baby's name. Angel was deeply honored, and let Connor know it. Connor knew what this meant to Angel. He was still trying to make up for sending Angel to the bottom of the ocean, but the name had nothing to do with that. Naming his son after Angel had everything to do with respect and love. Finally, they got to the subject Connor had been trying to get to.  
"She's beautiful." Connor said suddenly, after a short silence.  
"Who?" Angel asked, even though he already knew.  
"Buffy. I can see why you fell for her."  
"Yeah, she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, but there's so much more to her than that. Her strength, her spirit, her heart. They all combine to form the most wonderful woman I ever met."  
"Have you told her that lately?" Connor asked. Angel didn't tell him the exact reason Buffy left that day. He just told her there were some issues that needed to be worked out. Connor, being his father's son, knew without being told what the problem was. He had watched Angel and Cordy over the past few months. There was no tension left when they were together. The feeling that were there, were deep, and they were the feelings of friendship. Connor had sensed no other emotions other than friendship type love. But tonight, with Buffy around, he had sensed so much more. Angle was nervous, he could hear it in his voice, see it in his movements. Everyone else could feel the tension, but Connor was the only one who could see how much Angel was affected.  
"Connor, she deserves better than me. Tonight, seeing her holding Liam, I realized she deserves a chance for a family, for a normal life. It's one reason I left her three years ago. What kind of life could she have with me?"  
"Dad, you would give your life for her. I can feel it. You would give everything you possess for her. What more could she want? Even I know that kind of love is rare."  
"That's just it. She would do the same for me. She shouldn't have to. She should never have to do that again."  
"What are you talking about? Do what again?"  
"When I was telling you about Buffy, I left some things out. Before I left, I was poisoned with an arrow. The poison was specifically for vampires. I was dying, slowly and painfully. The only thing that could save me was the blood of a slayer."  
"You drank from her?" Connor's face was white. "But, I thought you didn't drink from humans?"  
"I don't. She beat me nearly unconscious because I refused to drink from her. She brought the demon out. Then she held my head to her neck. I tried to fight her, but I was so weak. I finally couldn't fight anymore. I nearly killed her that night. I should have been stronger. I never should have drank from her."  
"She is the slayer and she forced you to drink from her? She must really love you. That goes against everything she was taught." Connor caught the look on Angel's face and said, "I did some research on slayers. I wanted to know what kind of woman my father is in love with."  
"That's my point. I was supposed to protect her and instead she saved my life by going against everything she believed and let me drink her blood. What kind of man would do that?"  
"It was her choice. She did what she thought was right. If she hadn't, I wouldn't be here today. I wouldn't have my son. I finally understand now, what kind emotion you went through, when I was taken away. I can't imagine living through it. Thank you, for not giving up on me."  
"You are my son." Angel said simply, and Connor finally understood.  
  
Buffy awoke early the next morning. Just knowing Angel was so close had kept her awake most of the night. She went downstairs to the kitchen for some juice. Connor was there, eating a bowl of cereal. Buffy wasn't completely comfortable around him for the simply fact he was so much like Angel. Connor sensed this and was slightly amused. She had it bad. As bad as Angel did for her.  
"Good morning." he said. "You're up early."  
"Yeah, I couldn't sleep."  
"Is it because my father is so close by?" he asked, knowing very well that was the problem.  
"Um, no." she lied. "I just wasn't used to the bed."  
"Yeah," he replied. "My dad's is much more comfortable."  
Buffy choked on the sip of orange juice she had in her mouth. Connor just grinned.  
"I think I'll just go back upstairs and... take a bath." she said. Anything to get away.  
"Wait. Can we talk for a minute?"  
She didn't want to, but short of being rude, there was no way out. "O.K." she replied. "What do you want to talk about?"  
"My father." he said. "I want to know what is going on with the two of you."  
Buffy had no idea what Angel had told him and didn't want to say anything that could damage their relationship so she told a half truth. "Nothing is going on with us. Why do you ask?"  
"Because when you're around him, your breathing speeds up, your heart rate accelerates, and you begin to sweat, ever so slightly."  
Buffy had no idea what to say. "How do you know that? I thought you were human?"  
Connor was not offended, only amused. "I have many interesting talents. I have a vampire's strength and alot of their abilities, but none of their weaknesses, and all the tests show I am completely human. I can't explain it, but sometimes it is to my advantage. So, what's the deal with you two."  
"It's not my place to explain. Ask Angel."  
"I have. He's told me alot. I know you two have a history. I also know he's still in love with you."  
"Maybe, but things have never been that simple for us."  
"I know. First, finding out he was a vampire, and it was your duty to stake him, but couldn't. It must have killed you to send him to hell, knowing his soul had returned. Then, letting him drink from you, to save his life. From what I understand things have always been complicated."  
Angel had told him alot, but that still didn't mean she was going to discuss their love life with his son.  
"I'm sorry, Connor. I'm not comfortable talking to you about this." she said, as she got up to leave.  
"Then let me do all the talking." he said, and motioned for her to sit back down. She did.  
"I have done alot of things I am not proud of. Do you know about the ocean incident?" He saw the flash of anger in her eyes and knew that she knew. She didn't speak, only nod her head.  
"I have not forgiven myself for that, even though my father has. I want to try to make it up to him. I think one way to start is you. He loves you. When he talks about you, the change in him is unmistakable. You are good for him. He needs you."  
"No," Buffy interrupted. "He doesn't need me. We haven't been together for three years and he has survived."  
"Yes, he has survived, but that's about all. He spiraled downhill and hit bottom without you there to guide him, to give him hope. I was the result of that."  
Buffy gave him a surprised look. He knew more than she thought.  
"I know everything about my mother. I know Angel never really loved her. Maybe he did in a way, but not in the way he loves you. If he did, he would have lost his soul again."  
Buffy's head shot up to look him in the eyes. He saw love there, for Angel, and knew he wasn't trying to hurt her, only help Angel. Still, he knew things she would rather forget.  
"All I'm trying to say is, he loves you. I also believe you love him. What I want to know is, what is holding you two back?"  
"Things are complicated Connor." Buffy replied, lowering her head to look at the table. No way was she going tell him Angel had feelings for Cordelia.  
"Is it because of Cordelia?"   
Her head shot up to look at him again  
"Yes, I know about that, too. He had feelings for her. I know he did. But, the key word here is, did. He never loved her the way he loves you. In the last six months, he has worked through all the emotional stuff with Cordelia. They are friends, very good friends. And no, I'm not being blind. If anything, I saw things that were not there, in the beginning. Watch them together and you'll see too. You are the only woman he loves."  
Buffy didn't know whether to believe his words or not. He was really only a boy, but a part of her had to remember, he's over a year older than she had been when she had given herself to Angel. His next words came as a complete shock.  
"What about Spike? What's going on with him?"  
"Wh-Why are you asking about Spike?"  
"He's in love with you, too. You two have had sex. I can tell by the way you act around each other. Is he any competition for Angel?" Then Connor shook his head. "I doubt it. You don't react the same around him."  
"Did you spend the entire evening studying me?" Buffy asked, slightly annoyed.  
"No, but I wanted to know what kind of person you were. I just want my father to be happy. Does Angel know about Spike?" He was afraid he went too far with the last question when he saw the flash in her eyes. But instantly, the flash was gone, and she answered calmly, "Yes, he knows. I never could keep anything from him."  
"So, what's going to happen now?" he asked.  
"I don't know. There always seems to be something that keeps us apart. We'll just have to wait and see."  
  
Everyone must have gotten together, because that night everyone, including Spike, found somewhere else to be, leaving Buffy and Angel alone. Having really no other choice, the two started a conversation, about the baby. Finally, Angel couldn't stand the small talk anymore.  
"Buffy, I realized you made some good points when you were here last. I did need to work through my feelings for Cordelia. I have. She is one of my best friends. I love her the way you love Xander, but nothing more. You are the only woman I want to be with. I need to know. Is there a chance for us? Or has Spike taken my place in you heart?"  
"Angel, no one could ever take your place. Spike knows this. He knows I could never love him like that."   
He heard her words but saw something in her eyes and then he knew. "You're having sex with him again! I can't believe this!"  
"No, Angel. We're not involved again. I did have sex with him the night I left here. I'm not proud of it. I was hurting and he was there. That was the last time."  
"You left me and went to him!"  
"You know why I left you. I can't explain why I went to him, because I don't know. But, sex doesn't equal love."  
The words forming on Angel's lips died away. He remembered saying those words to Cordelia. They were true. He couldn't be a hypocrite.  
"You're right. It still doesn't make me feel any better about him touching you, making love to you. It was hard enough seeing you with Riley, but at least he was human. I didn't leave you so you could get involved with another vampire."  
"What about this time, Angel? What happens if I let myself get close to you again and you decide, for my own good, to leave? Can you guarantee that won't happen?"  
"I left you once. I don't think I have the strength to do it again. I can only promise, that any decisions about our relationship will be made together. I was wrong to make the choice for you. It's your life, too. You have a right to be in on any decisions regarding us."  
Buffy couldn't hold back any longer. Angel was sitting on the couch, with Buffy beside him. She reached over, put her arms around him and kissed him. At first the kiss was gentle, just lips getting to know each other again. Then suddenly, all the passion that had been building up, exploded. They were kissing deeply and frantically. Their arms were around each other, exploring each other's back. Neither one cared that they were in lobby where anyone could walk in. They existed only for each other. Angel finally pulled away. He couldn't make love to her here. What if the others came back?  
"Buffy, wait!"  
"Angel, I can't wait. I've waited too long."  
"Let's go upstairs, to my room."  
He took her upstairs to his room. She didn't notice anything about it. She only had eyes for Angel. As soon as they entered the room, they were all over each other again. Their passion kept growing. Clothes starting flying and then they were naked on the bed. Angel wanted to hold back, tried to hold back, but Buffy was having none of it. She had dreamed of this for so long. She wanted him, she needed him, and there was no holding back.   
They lay back together, exhausted. They were happy just to be in each other's arms. However, loved denied is not satisfied that easily. Before long, short kisses turned into passionate ones. This time, though, they made love slowly, enjoying every moment and savoring every touch.  
They fell asleep in each other's arms.  
  
When everyone returned that night, they wondered where Angel and Buffy were. Spike is the one who knew. He went upstairs to Angel's room and opened the door. There they were asleep, together. No one had to tell him he had lost. He quietly shut the door, walked downstairs, and without a word to anyone, out the door. Willow and Xander knew instantly what Spike had seen upstairs. The pain in his features told the story. Everyone else had no idea, except Connor. He felt at ease with Spike, and briefly felt sorry for him, but he knew his father was happy. That was more important.  
  
Buffy awakened with a smile on her face. Then she remembered what had happened the night before. *God, please don't let the nightmare began again.* Then she realized there were two arms around her. She rolled over and looked at Angel. He awoke when she moved and gave her a dazzling smile. This was better than anything, to wake up in his arms. She smiled back and then kissed him.  
Buffy and Angel were late coming down stairs, but no one cared. Everyone knew they were together, and everyone was happy for them.  
  
Spike sat in a demon bar in a bad part of LA. He had been there all night. He was very drunk. He didn't speak to anyone. He didn't look at anyone. The expression on his face was enough to discourage anyone from bothering him. All he could think about was seeing Buffy and Angel in each other's arms. He was always afraid this day would come and now that it had, he didn't know what he was going to do. He had lived for her for so long. He thought briefly about going to greet the sun, but he couldn't do it. Then, he thought about just leaving. Maybe he could go to New York, but no, Dawn would never understand why he left. She was important to him and he couldn't just leave her. He just didn't know how he could stand to be around Buffy and the poof. Buffy would probably move to LA. He could stay in Sunnydale and visit Dawn sometimes. Bloody hell, why was he torturing himself. He could never stand to be around Buffy, knowing she was shagging the poof. He thought back to the last time they were together. He knew she considered it sex, but to him, it was making love. He tried so hard that night to show her how much he loved her.   
He got up, threw some bills on the bar, and headed for the sewer entrance. He was going back to the hotel to sleep it off.  
  
No one was in the lobby when Spike arrived. He just stumbled upstairs to his room. He fell onto the bed and was out. He began dreaming, about Buffy.  
  
Willow was the only one around when Buffy and Angel came downstairs. Connor and Cordelia were upstairs with Liam. Xander, Gunn, and Fred had gone on a call. A couple was having problems with spirits in their basement. Surprisingly, Xander volunteered to go. He just couldn't stand to be around the happy couple.  
  
"Morning, Buffy. Sleep well?" Willow said, mischievously, and with a big smile.  
"Very well, thank you." she replied with an even bigger smile.  
"Morning, Angel"  
"Morning, Willow." Angel replied, unable to take his eyes off Buffy.  
Willow was so happy for them. They were made for each other. Now they were together, and she hoped nothing would ever tear them apart again.  
Angel had some business he needed to take care of and Buffy and Willow decided they wanted to do some shopping. So, Buffy and Angel kissed good-bye, passionately, and promised to be back in each other's arms, soon.  
  
Buffy and Willow were enjoying their day out. They went to all the trendy shops and talked and acted like teenagers. *It is so good to be happy.* Buffy thought.  
"So," Willow started. "What are you going to do now?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"Well, are you two just going to date, or are you going to make more permanent arrangements?"  
"I don't know yet. We haven't really talked about it. But, I just can't see myself being without him, now that I know we can be together."  
Willow hated to bring this up, but it had been bothering her since last night. "What about Dawn?" she asked. "And Spike?"  
Buffy looked concerned. It was something she had not let herself think about. "Dawn will just have to get used to the idea. And so will Spike. As much as I love Dawn, she is not going to control my love life. As for Spike, I don't believe he'll stick around when he finds out."  
"He already knows. When we got back last night, he went upstairs to check on you. He saw you in Angel's room. He didn't say anything. He just came back downstairs and went out the door, without a word. The look on his face told us everything."  
This bit of information bothered Buffy. She had wanted to tell him herself. She knew he would be hurt. She'd had not wanted him to find out by seeing her in Angel's bed. Maybe she would get a chance to talk to him before he did something stupid.  
  
Spike awakened with one hell of a hangover, and he was hungry. So, he got up and went downstairs to the kitchen. He was just pulling his cup out of the microwave when Angel walked in. He was going to get him a snack, too. Their eyes met, both filled with disgust, but neither one said anything.  
Spike sat down at the table, and began sipping his blood. He had to give Angel credit, it was good quality blood.  
Angel had pulled his cup out of the microwave and was getting ready to walk out the door when Spike spoke.  
"What's going to happen now, mate?"  
Angel stopped, turned around, and gave him a look that would have made most vampires cringe.  
"What are you referring to Spike? Because, if it's Buffy, that's none of your business."  
"I was just wondering how you two were going to have a relationship. Ya know, with you in LA and her in Sunnydale. I've heard most long distance relationships don't work out."  
"Yeah, you would just love for us to live in two different cities, wouldn't you. Do you honestly think you still have a chance? She's mine, Spike. Don't ever forget it and don't ever think you can take her away. I will put an end to your existence if you try. Face it, you will never be able to touch her again."  
"Maybe. And maybe I'll be there to pick up the pieces when you hurt her again. I don't know what she sees in you. She let's you get close and then, POOF, you're gone."  
Angel walked toward Spike and he stood up to face him. They were standing almost nose to nose.   
"Buffy and I are together, forever, this time. You can't change that, no matter how much you want to." Angel sniffed at Spike, "Why don't you just go back to wherever you got drunk last night and stay there. I don't want you here making trouble."  
"I'm not making trouble. I am just asking questions. Does that bother you? Am I hitting a nerve?"  
"The questions you are asking are none of your business. Buffy is none of your business."  
"The hell she isn't. I love her and I'm not going to just stand by while you break her heart, again."  
As soon as Angel heard "I love her" he saw red. He grabbed Spike by his shirt and shoved him up against the wall.  
"You love yourself. You've always had a thing about slayers. You've always been obsessed with them. Don't forget, before you "loved" Buffy, you tried to kill her, many times. I'm not going to let you torment her anymore. Leave her alone Spike. I don't care that you have a soul. I will kill you, and enjoy it."  
He let go of Spike, turned on his heel, and left the room.  
  
Buffy and Willow returned from their shopping trip right at sunset. They had a great time. They both bought some things for themselves and their loved ones.  
Xander, Gunn, and Fred returned a few minutes after Buffy and Willow. They had taken care of the basement problem. Xander seemed really happy about being there to help, and since he was working, he got paid.   
Buffy excused herself and went to find Angel. She found him in his office, hard at work. He sensed her before she entered the room. He immediately got up and took her into his arms for a deep kiss.  
"I missed you." he murmured in her ear.  
"I missed you, too. But, we had a great time."  
"Glad to hear it. Cordelia wanted me to tell you to come and see her when you got back."  
"What about?"  
"I don't know. Girl talk I guess."  
Buffy was afraid of what the talk would be. By now she would know about her and Angel. The question was, how did she feel about it?  
Not wanting to show her doubts to Angel she just said, "Sure, I'll go see her now, so you can finish work. Then, later, we can spend some "quality" time together." They stole another kiss and Buffy went up to Cordelia's room.  
  
Buffy knocked on the door and was admitted. She walked in to find Cordelia sitting on a sofa and Spike sitting in a rocking chair, holding Liam. He looked at her when she walked in and she saw the hurt in his eyes. He quickly averted his eyes from her and looked back down at the baby. Buffy could tell, Liam had stolen Spike's heart. Spike was handling him gently and it was obvious he adored the little bundle in his arms.  
"Well, I guess I'll let you ladies have some private time. Never could stand girl talk." He got up and gently handed Liam back to Cordelia. "Congratulations, again. He's really adorable."  
Spike was going out and met Connor, coming in. Spike congratulated Connor and kept going. Connor came in and immediately went to his son. He took him out of Cordelia's arms and held him gently, but awkwardly. He had no experience with babies, but was more than willing to learn. He still couldn't get over the fact that he had a son. He never knew he could feel so strongly.  
"Connor, could you take Liam downstairs for a few minutes and let everybody see him. I want to talk to Buffy. You know, girl talk."  
"Sure. I'll be back in a few minutes."  
After Connor had gone, there was silence. Buffy didn't know what to say. She didn't know how Cordy felt. They had never been really close, so the only reason she could be here was Angel. Cordelia's next words confirmed it.  
"Buffy, I want to talk to you, about Angel."  
"I had a feeling you did. So, what do you want to say?"  
"I'm really not sure how to begin. So, I'll start with a question. How much do you know about Angel's life here in LA, his personal life?"  
"I that you and he were on the verge of starting "something" when you were called and he got dumped to the bottom of the ocean. I also know that when you got back you rejected him, for his past, for Angelus."  
"Yeah, my time as a higher being gave me some insight that I really couldn't handle at first. I looked back on all the pain he had caused others, and all the enjoyment he took from it."  
"There's a small problem with that, Cordelia. Angel didn't do any of those things. Angelus did them, and Angel had no control. You were in Sunnydale when he lost his soul. You knew, better than anyone here in LA, what the demon could do. Yet, you and he were on the verge. Did the two of you even consider the curse?"  
"We weren't that far along in our relationship. We hadn't even gotten together, much less considered the next step. As for the curse, what are you two going to do about it. Connor told me you two were in Angel's bed. Don't you know that had to be torture for him?"  
Buffy was taken back, *So Angel never told her about the happiness clause being lifted.* She wondered briefly if she should tell her, then decided she should.  
"Cordelia, the happiness part of the curse was lifted by The Powers that Be the night Angel fought the Beast. His soul is his forever."  
Cordelia was stunned. Why had no one told her? When Buffy left after the visit six months ago, she thought it was because of the curse.  
"When did you find out?" she had to know.  
"The night Angel came to me in Sunnydale. He told me everything." She put emphasis on everything. Buffy still had a hard time understanding how Cordelia could betray Angel like that, with his own son.  
Cordelia caught the implication, and was angry. "How dare you judge me? I thought the world was going to end. Connor deserved his moment of happiness before he died."  
"Cordelia, how many times, just in Sunnydale, did we think the world was going to end? I personally have stopped it, what 5 or 6 times. You hurt Angel, that's why I've not been around for six months. He had to have time to work out his feelings for you, and he has."  
"So, what are you going to do now?"  
"Angel and I haven't discussed the next step yet. All I know is, I love him. And he loves me. We're not going to be apart again."  
Cordelia considered that. She had worked through her feelings for Angel as well. She loved him, of course, but as a big brother. Her feelings for Connor were becoming more and more clear. She was falling for him, hard. He completed something in her that she had not known was missing. Still, she didn't like the thought of Angel and Buffy. They always ended with heartache.  
"Don't hurt him again, Buffy. He's earned his right to be happy. You two seem to end up hurting each other whenever you get together. After your visit at Thanksgiving, he wasn't himself for weeks. You have a hold on him, I don't understand."  
Buffy had noticed the way Connor looked at Cordelia, and was very curious as to their relationship. Angel hadn't mentioned about whether or not they were together.  
"It's no more of a hold than you have on Connor. I've seen the way he looks at you. So, are you two together?"  
Cordelia started to get angry, at the personal question. But, she really couldn't, considering she had been grilling Buffy about her and Angel's relationship.  
"No, we're not together, yet. I have feelings for him, alot of feelings. I just don't know what to do about them."  
"Does Connor know how you feel?"  
"No. He told me he loved me, and I told him I didn't know if the feelings I felt for him were that kind of love. That was about six months ago. He hasn't mentioned anything else."  
"He was giving you time. Does he know about Angel?"  
"Yes, Angel and Connor don't have any secrets from each other."  
"So, he loves you. He was giving you space to work out you feelings for Angel, just like I was giving Angel space to work out his feelings for you. If you love him, you need to tell him. Being apart from the one you love, is not an easy thing. Unlike Angel and me, the only thing keeping you apart, is you."  
"Buffy, we have never been close, but please understand, I love Angel, like a brother. He's my family. I want him to be happy. He never got over you, even when we were getting close. Please, don't hurt him again. He doesn't deserve it."  
"Angel and I are together, and this time, nothing is going to keep us apart."  
They made a little more small talk and passed the time. Then, Connor came back, with Liam. The little boy was beautiful. He had Angel's dark hair and eyes, and the same strong features. This boy was going to be a girl magnet. Buffy was still not completely comfortable around Connor. It was hard for her to imagine Angel and Darla together. She wasn't judging, just not comfortable. She had no room to judge. She had sunk into depression and slept with Spike, multiple times. She could relate. Connor just reminded her too much of Angel. She couldn't see any of Darla in him.  
She excused herself from the little family. As she was leaving, she told Cordelia to think about what she said. She went downstairs to find Angel.  
Angel was still bent over at his desk, hard at work. She decided not to bother him and went down to the work out room for a little practice.   
Spike was there, pummeling a punching bag. Buffy sighed. She really didn't want to do this, but he deserved an explanation.  
"Hi, Spike." she said.  
"Hi." he returned and kept punching the bag.  
"Can I talk to you?"  
"There's nothing to say. You're back with the poof."  
"Spike, please."  
He stopped punching the bag and walked over to her. They sat down on a bench and he just looked at her. His look made her uncomfortable. But, she had to do this.  
"Spike, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I led you on, in any way. I care about you, and I don't want you to just leave because of Angel. Dawn would never forgive me. I told her I would never keep her away from you. You have taken care of her, when I couldn't. I want to say thank you for that. I don't think I have before."  
"There's no need. I promised you, before you...ya know, that I would. I have just been keeping my word. I probably would have anyway. I care about her, alot, and not just because of you, because of who she is."  
  
Angel had looked up just in time to see Buffy going downstairs. Spike had went down a few minutes before. Angel was concerned. He still didn't trust Spike and he didn't want a repeat of the bathroom incident. He also didn't want to invade Buffy's privacy, but he had to make sure she was all right. So, downstairs he went, silently. He stood in the doorway, out of sight, and listened to the conversation.  
  
"I still want to say thank you. She's crazy about you. You are her best friend. Thank you for being there."  
"So, what are you and the poof going to do now?"  
Buffy was getting tired of this question. "I don't know. Angel and I haven't talked about it yet. That's not why I'm here. I wanted to talk about us."  
"There is no us, Pet. I know that. You don't have to spell it out for me. I don't like the thought of you with Angel, but I'm not stupid. I know there's nothing I can do about it. I'm telling you now, if he hurts you again, I'll kill him. I swear, I'll make him a pile of dust at my feet." "He's not going to hurt me, Spike. We can finally be together. It's what I've wanted since I was sixteen years old."  
"I still love you and I want to know that you're O.K. I'm not going to stand in the way. I'm not going to cause any trouble. Just make sure Angel understands about Dawn. He's already told me to stay away from you."  
"He, what!! Why? What happened?"  
"Doesn't matter, Pet. We just had a conversation. I can understand him not wanting me around you. He knows about us, right." Buffy nodded yes. "It probably makes him uncomfortable knowing what happened with us, the good and the bad." Buffy knew he was thinking about the attack in the bathroom. "Just make sure he knows, I will not desert Dawn just because he wants me to."  
Buffy told him she would and started to turn to leave. Spike grabbed her arm and turned her around.  
"One more thing." He then pulled her into a hug. "I hope you're happy with him." He released her and went back to punching the bag.  
  
Angel knew Buffy was about to walk out the door, so he walked in.   
"There you are. What's going on?"  
"Nothing, just talking to Spike."  
Spike spoke up. "I'll be leaving tonight. We've left the hellmouth unguarded for long enough."  
"How are you going to get back?" Buffy asked.  
"I'm going to hitch a ride with a friend." It was a lie, but Spike couldn't stay here any longer. He could probably hitch a ride along the highway. After all, what did he have to worry about.  
  
Buffy and Angel went back upstairs, hand in hand. Spike watched them go. He had to get away, before he went crazy. He went upstairs and gathered the few clothes he had brought with him. He went to tell Cordelia he was leaving, and say good-bye to Liam. Connor was with the baby. Cordelia had gone to take a bath. She hadn't been out of bed much since Liam was born. Spike felt something like regret, seeing Connor holding his baby. He would never have a family. He had never cared before, but now it bothered him. Having a soul really sucked sometimes. Connor looked at him when he walked through the door, although he already knew who it was. He could sense vampires.  
"I just came to say good-bye. I'm heading home tonight."  
"Hurts seeing them together, doesn't it?"  
Spike just looked at him. *Damn, am I that transparent?*  
"I just need to get back and look after the hellmouth, that's all."  
"Yeah, right. I know you love her. I feel the changes in you when she's around."  
"Doesn't matter, now, does it. She's with Angel. She's made her choice. All though, I guess there never was really a choice. She's been in love with him forever."  
"Then why did she come to you?"  
*Damn, did this boy know everything?*  
"He wasn't there, and I was convenient. She never loved me the way she loves him. I hoped she would, but she couldn't. She never gave me false hope. She told me the way things were from the beginning."  
"Then, why did you do it?"  
"Because, I loved her. I would do whatever it took to be close to her."  
Connor could relate to that. Being with Cordelia, but never touching, was painful, but he loved her and wanted to be part of her life in any way he could.  
"So, what are you going to do now? Are you going to move on?"  
"No, I have friends in Sunnydale. For now, I'll stay there."  
"Even if my father and Buffy are there?"  
"Yes, Buffy's sister is a friend of mine. I won't let Angel drive me away from my friends."  
"You really hate him don't you? Is it because of her?"  
"Not everything is about Buffy. We have a history, he and I. We are family, in the vampire sense. He was Drusilla's sire and Dru was my sire. So, in a way, little Liam and I are both Angel's grandchildren. He wasn't always the man he is today. Before he got his soul, he was one of the most feared vampires on earth. He taught me everything I know about being a vampire, but we never got along. I always thought he was to cocky, and he thought I was stupid. It always made him mad that Drusilla sired me. He thought she should have just killed me. But, that's in the past. Neither one of us is the same anymore. We have both changed, but we still don't like each other."  
"Anytime you're in town, stop by. I respect my father's home, but there's something about you that I like. I'm sorry you're hurting."  
Spike started to deny it, but knew Connor would know better. The boy had all the vampire senses, but none of the weaknesses.  
"Thanks, but I'll get over it. It's not like I don't have the time."  
They said their good-byes and Spike left the hotel. He wanted to tell Buffy, but the smell coming from Angel's room, suggested he would be interrupting something, and he really didn't want to see that again.  
  
Angel looked at the woman in his arms, and was amazed, not for the first time, how naturally they fit together. He knew she was what he had been looking for. He still had to tell her about the day she had forgotten. He didn't want to but he couldn't not tell her. If something happened and she did remember, she would never forgive him. She was going to be mad enough, now.  
"Buffy, I have something I need to tell you."  
Buffy saw the look in eyes and heard the tone in his voice. This could not be good. She was frightened all of a sudden. Was she going to lose him again? She had just found him.  
"Do you remember your visit after Thanksgiving? You came to the old office and yelled at me. Then, the Mohra demon came through the window and I killed it."  
"I remember. Cordelia said you were upset for weeks. I was only here five minutes. I don't understand why it upset you like that."  
"Buffy, this is hard. Please let me finish before you say anything. I warn you, you are going to be angry.  
You were here more than five minutes. We were together that entire day and night. You just don't remember it."  
"How could I not remember that? I was back in Sunnydale that same day." "The Powers that Be took back that day. The first time the demon came through the window, I didn't kill it. We chases it through the sewers. You thought it had gone above ground and followed it up there. I searched the sewers and was injured. Then I fought the demon and some of it's blood got into my wound. I thought I had killed it. The blood of a Mohra demon had healing properties. I became human."  
"What?! But, but, you're still a vampire." Buffy stuttered.  
"No interruptions, remember. I'll explain everything."  
Buffy sat in silence, but her mind was racing.  
"I didn't want to tell you, to give you hope until I knew it wasn't a temporary thing. So, I went to these beings I know. They have contact with The Powers that Be. They told me the condition was permanent. I was so happy. We could finally be together. I found you at the beach. You were amazed when I walked out into the sun. We spent a wonderful day together. We went back to my office and were sitting at the table. We agreed to take things slow with us. But, we touched, and slow went out the window. We made love that day."  
Angel looked at Buffy. She was just sitting there, not moving. He knew this was hard on her. He knew she was wondering why she couldn't remember.  
"You were asleep when the phone rang. The Mohra demon didn't die. It regenerated itself. I went to fight it. I left you asleep. But, I was human. I didn't have the strength to fight anymore. You showed up and I told you how to kill it and you did. Before the demon died, it told me the end of days was coming. I went back to the oracles, wanting to know if it was true. They said it was and everyone, especially the slayers, were in danger. They told me you were going to die, and I was powerless to stop it, being human. I told them to take it back. Make me like I was. They told me the only way they could do that was to take back the day. We would never have been together and only I would remember the day. I would be vampire again, but I could protect you. I told you before it happened. We held each other and cried. You didn't want me to give up my humanity, but I couldn't let you die. The only thing you remember is the second time. I didn't want to tell you, but you have a right to know. I'm not going to keep secrets from you." When Angel finished the story, he was in tears. Buffy was too. She couldn't believe this. Angel gave up his humanity for her.  
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I didn't want you to feel bad about this."  
"Angel, I love you so much. You gave up your humanity for me." She threw her arms around him and cried.  
"You're not angry that I kept this from you?"  
"Of course, I am, but the fact you gave up everything for me, makes me see that you did it for me."  
Angel was relieved. Everything was out in the open and they could begin their lives together.  
"Where do we go from here?" he asked. "I mean, what are we going to do? We live in two different cities. I have responsibilities here and you have Dawn to think about and your slaying duties."  
"We'll work it out. I have waited too long for anything to keep us apart now."  
  
In the end it was decided that Buffy would stay in Sunnydale until Dawn graduated from high school. That was three years away. She would be a sophomore when school began in the fall. Buffy and Dawn would spend holidays and school breaks with Angel in LA. Angel would stay in Sunnydale as much as possible, when things were slow around the office. In some cases, he could work from Buffy's house by computer.  
THREE YEARS LATER  
  
  
The three years passed quickly. Spike and Angel came to an unspoken agreement. The slayer was important to both of them and they agreed her best interests came first. Spike was there to help her when Angel was in LA. Dawn wasn't too thrilled, at first. But, as she got to know Angel, she began to love him, too. He treated her like a kid sister and she treated him like a big brother. Dawn and Spike were closer than ever. When Buffy went to LA and Dawn couldn't go, Spike looked after her, and kept her safe. That's not say there weren't problems. Long distance relationships were hard. There were times the friends thought Buffy and Angel wouldn't make it, but they did. Their love was strong enough to make it through. Willow and Deanna moved in together and run a software business from their home. Xander is still single and loving it. He owns his own construction company, and is still a kid at heart. Connor and Cordelia finally admitted their feelings to each other. They were married on Liam's first birthday. Everyone there felt the love. Dawn decided to go to college at the University of Sunnydale. Buffy went through all the proper channels with the watchers council and was granted something no other slayer ever was, retirement. She was able to retain all her abilities but a new slayer was called. Her name was Cheyenne and she reminded Angel alot of Buffy. She had the same innocence, the same fire, the same heart. Cheyenne and her new watcher, Kevyn, moved to Sunnydale and set up shop. Buffy took time to help train the new slayer. She taught her all the things the books didn't tell her, all the things she had to learn on her own. She wanted to give this slayer the chance to become the second slayer to retire.  
  
After Dawn's graduation, things changed. Angel turned over the business in LA to Connor and Cordelia. Gunn and Fred were still there. They were still together, but neither one of them could make the commitment of marriage. Still, they were happy. Angel and Buffy were married in a simple night ceremony in her back yard in Sunnydale. The day after the wedding, Buffy and Angel started the adoption process. They couldn't have children of their own, but they could give their love to a child who didn't have anyone else. Angel set up an office for Angel Investigations in Sunnydale. After all, this was the hellmouth. Business was good.   
  
THREE YEARS LATER   
  
Everyone gathered for Dawn's 21st birthday. Buffy threw her party at her home. Buffy and Angel's two year old adopted Daughter, Amber, was really excited about Aunt Dawn's birthday. Dawn had grown to be a very beautiful young woman. She didn't date much and that bothered Buffy. The guys were crazy about her, but she didn't seem interested. She was more concerned with school. She would graduate next year with a degree in computers. Her future looked bright.  
Dawn had been in love with Spike forever. Even when he was drooling over Buffy, she still loved him. But she knew, he saw her as a kid. He probably always would.  
Dawn was wrong. Spike had watched her grow up. After he got over his feelings for the slayer, Spike had taken another look at Dawn. She was a beauty. His love for her grew. He never told her. He knew she could never feel anything for him, after all, he had been with her sister. Even though that was six years ago, Spike felt it was a wall. Spike still cared about Buffy, but the sexual feelings he had were long gone. She was a friend, now, and no more.  
Dawn walked downstairs to her party wearing a long, black dress Buffy had given her for her birthday. It was strapless and hugged her body in all the right places.  
Spike saw her come down the stairs and the sight was just about more than he could stand. She was beautiful. Dawn caught the look in his eyes and for the first time, thought, that there might be chance.  
Later that evening, Dawn was outside on the porch swing. Most of the guests had already left. Spike came outside and sat down beside her. The swung quietly for a while. Finally, Dawn looked at Spike and saw the love in his eyes. She reached over, put her hand behind her neck, and pulled him close for a kiss. She had kissed before, but with him it was totally different. He wasn't a boy, he was a man. Spike was surprised but not enough to end the kiss. He deepened the kiss. His tongue explored her lips and finally her mouth. They broke the kiss and just sat there looking at each, not speaking. Neither one knew what to say, or how to say it.  
Finally, Spike broke the silence, "Do you love me?"  
"Yes, I do. I always have. Do you love me?"  
"Yes, I do. I just never thought you could want me."  
"Why? Because of Buffy?" "Yes."  
"That is the past. I want you to be my future."  
  
Spike took Dawn home that night. Nobody thought anything about it. He had done the same thing a thousand times. Only Angel and Connor noticed the difference in them. Angel wasn't sure he liked the idea, but Connor knew how Spike felt. After all, no one thought he should have been with Cordelia either. Neither one said anything to anybody else. Dawn would tell them when she was ready.  
  
They reached Dawn's dorm room and she invited Spike in. He had been in her room many times, but not knowing how Dawn felt. Dawn was a little nervous. She had dreamed about this for a long time, but she didn't know what to do, now that it was reality. She wanted Spike and she knew he wanted her. The only problem was, she was still a virgin. She almost laughed. She was 21 years old and a virgin. She had saved herself for Spike, and now she was so nervous she didn't know if she could do anything about it.  
Spike sensed the change in her breathing and heartbeat. He knew she was nervous. He just didn't know the real reason. He knew she had dated other guys. He had been eaten up with jealousy, seeing her with other guys. He had never asked if she had slept with any of them. He didn't want to know, but part of him was sure she had. After all, she was a woman, and women had their needs.  
Dawn knew she had to act before her courage left her. She grabbed Spike and kissed him. As they kissed, Spike picked her up and took her to the bed. He laid down beside her, never breaking the kiss. He let his hand wonder over her body, but when he touched her breast, he felt her stiffen. He stopped immediately and looked at her. She didn't want him stop, but no one had ever touched her there before. In her eyes, he saw it, the fear and uncertainty.  
"God, Dawn, I'm sorry. I rushed you." he said, as he started to get up.  
"No, don't go. I want you to stay. It's just I've never, I mean no one has ever..."  
"You're still a virgin?" Spike said in awe.  
"Yes, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I saved myself for you. I've always wanted you to be my first. I'm sorry, I'm not as experienced as some women." Spike almost laughed out loud. That was not something to be sorry for.  
"No," he said. "Don't be sorry. I am honored. I never dreamed you could feel that way about me."  
"Please, don't stop. I want you. I want you, tonight."  
That was all the encouragement Spike needed. They were locked in a kiss again. Spike wanted to make sure she didn't regret waiting for him. He made sure he was slow and gentle and tender. He had never known anything like the feeling of their union. After all these years, he understood how Angel could lose his soul, because of a woman.  
  
Buffy was surprised when Dawn announced her and Spike were getting married, but not as surprised as everyone thought. She had seen the way they looked at each other, long before they had gotten together. She gave them her blessing.  
  
Buffy smiled and thought, *Life is full of surprises. Some good, some bad, but all leading the way through life.*  
  
THE END 


End file.
